G-Spot Basics

Doug

woman_orgasmThe g-spot is a bean-shaped, spongy mass of nerve tissue that sits just under the frontal vaginal wall. Composed of tissue that closely resembles the corpora cavernosa erectile tissue in a man’s penis, the g-spot swells in size when a woman is aroused.

It’s named after gynecologist Ernst Grafenberg, who discovered it in 1944. But it goes back farther than that, being mentioned as a “sacred spot” over one-thousand years ago by shamanic elders who were the forerunners of today’s practitioners of tantric sex.

Is the g-spot: a magical ticket to sexual bliss? It’s a controversial subject, and there are divided opinions on its very existence. Some women love g-spot stimulation, some don’t, some are ambivalent, and some women don’t seem to have one.

So, how do you find out if your lady might enjoy stimulation of this mythical buried treasure?

To locate her g-spot, it’s best for her to be aroused, as it will be easier to find in an erect state. Have her lay on her back with her hips slightly lifted or propped up on a small pillow. Put one or two fingers inside her vaginal wall towards the front of her body (belly-button side). Reach in as far as you can go, and crook your fingers toward you in a “come hither” type movement, sliding your finger/s along the vaginal wall until you find a rough-textured area. The g-spot should feel ridged or nubbly compared to the rest of the vaginal canal and is generally found about 2 inches in, although it can lie pretty much anywhere along the front of the vaginal canal – even as far back as the cervix. It’s really more of an area then an actual “spot.”

Once you’ve determined that she has one, what do you do with it? Well, that depends. Some women enjoy g-spot stimulation and some women don’t. Be aware that how much she enjoys it may also depend on where she is in her menstrual cycle.

Often, the first sensation a woman will feel with stimulation of the g-spot is an urgent need to pee. This sensation usually passes fairly quickly, however, so if you’re both patient you can get past it and to the good stuff. It may be a good idea for her to make sure her bladder is empty before stimulation!

To manually stimulate the g-spot, you will need to experiment with different pressures and motions. Communicate to find out what is most pleasurable for her. Moving your finger/s in that “come hither” motion works well for a lot of women. Because the g-spot is located inside of the vaginal wall, you may need to exert a fair bit of pressure to stimulate it. Don’t be afraid to use a firm touch.

Using the fingers in a “tapping” motion works very well to stimulate the g-spot. Tap the area with your fingers and try varying the speed and firmness of the tapping.

Try to “work” the area with small circles. Each woman is different and may appreciate different stimulation techniques.

Also try using your other hand on the outside of her body and apply soft, downward pressure just above her pubic hairline. This may increase the stimulation by “sandwiching” the area between both hands. Don’t count out toys that are specifically made for g-spot stimulation. It can take some of the guesswork out of stimulation.

As for stimulation during sex, there are positions that can help you make intimate contact. If your dick naturally curves upward, you may have a built-in ability to stimulate her g-spot! If you don’t, then any position that maximizes contact with the front of her vaginal wall will work well. Woman-on-top-facing-you works well, she can also slightly lean back to take advantage of more front-vaginal contact. The missionary position works well if you prop her hips up – and works even better if she’s laying on the edge of something and you’re standing on the floor. You may not even need to prop her hips up. By standing, you have more control over the angle your dick goes in at. For advanced techniques at stimulating her brain along with her body, visit www.makeyourwifehot.com.

Remember, each woman will have her preferences. Experiment and find out what works for your lady. She may really enjoy it, she may be annoyed by it or find it uncomfortable – or she may not even have one.

As women age they may respond more positively to g-spot stimulation. This is because their estrogen levels begin to decline and this causes their vaginal lining to become thinner, allowing easier access to the g-spot.

Importantly, some women can even ejaculate with g-spot stimulation! But keep in mind that the g-spot is not some kind of “magic button.” Just as with any other part of the body, some women will find its stimulation highly arousing, while others won’t. Don’t get too caught up in the semantics or treat it like a holy quest. Just enjoy the sexual exploration.

For more ideas and real -world advice on making YOUR wife hot, visit www.makeyourwifehot.com.


Top 10 Reasons Men Cheat

Doug

The post below is re-blogged from Cindy English and her site, “Cheating Ways” She does not condone or judge the issue of infidelity. Her site has great material on the ins and outs (sorry about that pun!) of infidelity. I added a few comments as well.

The question is as old as the problem itself…

Why do men cheat?
Is monogamy really a myth?
Are guys predestined to cheat because it is human nature?

Scientists have long explained that men are biologically motivated to seek out multiple sex partners. This natural instinct ensures a healthy gene pool and the survival of our species.

If this is true, then one cannot expect fidelity from a man. It kind of lets guys off the hook when they wander doesn’t it?

So why do they feel guilty? If it is a man’s biological right to have sex wherever, whenever, with whomever, why should they worry about being caught?

Because somewhere along the way, self imposed “ethics” and “morality” placed restrictions on human behavior…including sex!

Perhaps if guys didn’t seem to derive such pleasure from sex, it wouldn’t be such a sin. Think about it. If sex with multiple partners were just another “chore” for men as cleaning house and cooking meals is to women, would we get upset about it?

Probably not…poor guys!
Nevertheless…men do enjoy sex…a lot…and not always with their partner!

Here are their Top 10 reasons…

I’d like to say that they are in no particular order but, we all know what guys say is the number one reason that they cheat. Remember ladies, the jokes about sex ending when marriage begins, wouldn’t be funny if there weren’t some truth to them!

  1. Not getting enough at home! Women tend to get caught up in “life” and sex gets put on the “back burner”. She may be bent over helping the kids tie their shoes but he’s still looking at her “nice ass”. God…is that all they think about?
  2. It’s reassuring to know that he’s still “got it”. Time has a way of making us all feel less sexy and desirable. A little forbidden rendezvous can be a real shot to a sagging male ego.
  3. The wife just isn’t physically appealing anymore. Face it, women do tend to let themselves go. Often they get too busy raising their families and neglect themselves. They are too tired to put on make up or do those thigh slimming exercises. The result? A sexy new secretary and whatdayaknow…”Honey…I have to work late”! Don’t let this happen. Your wife WANTS to be hot and your support and encouragement may be the catlyst she needs.
  4. Sex at home is boring. The wife doesn’t like to try new things (or old things – namely, blow jobs!). To men, variety is the spice of life and he may have some sexual urges that his wife is not willing to fulfill. He may have some ideas that he would rather his wife didn’t know about. Can you say “manage-a-trios”?
  5. He just couldn’t say no. The woman was hot and all over him. It just seemed like a once in a lifetime opportunity…too good to pass up. This is where the phrase “thinking with their little head” came from!
  6. The wife just isn’t fun anymore. She worries, she nags, she fusses and they fight all of the time. He cheats to “get away from it all”. Guys, this is half YOUR fault! Be sure to be fun yourself and treat her right.
  7. He just doesn’t love his wife anymore. And just how do you tell someone that tactfully? It is easier to have an affair than it is to deal with the pain and emotional upheaval of such a confession. On the other hand…if he is caught cheating? Well, the door is then opened for a speedy exit!
  8. The thrill of the chase is exhilarating. Some men are truly addicted not only to the act of sex itself, but to the hunt. They thrive on the rush they get when they are able to conquer even the toughest “ice queen”. It’s not about love, it’s about control and winning! Men are built for competition and war.
  9. They cheat because they can. Many men know that their wives are insecure and dependant on them. They also know that low self esteem and a fear of being alone will keep her “in place” and “at home” no matter what, or who they do. So, why not? Variety – remember?
  10. And finally, men cheat to get even! It is an absolute blow to the male ego for his sexual prowess to be in question. Why else would a woman cheat on him? His own affair as a result, serves two purposes, revenge and reassurance of manhood.

These are the top 10 reasons. There are probably many more. Are any of them “excuseable”? Mmmm…a couple…maybe (although most women won’t agree).

Are any of them “preventable”?
Of course.

Although monogamy may not human nature…it is a choice!

For more ideas and strategies to create a LOVE AFFAIR with your wife, visit www.makeyourwifehot.com and have the passionate relationship you deserve.


How Can You Get Your Husband To Do The Dishes?

Doug

As any responsible journalist (Is that what I am now? LOL) it is my duty to not only share what I know about love, sex, marriage, and intimacy from a man’s perspective, but also check out what the ladies are thinking! I know the old jokes about it being impossible to understand women, but as you read my blog and book, you’ll see that it is really quite simple and boils down to open, honest, and NON-JUDGMENTAL communication. I was reading an article from  the site, www.100marriagequestions.com today about “How to get your husband to do the dishes” and burst out in laughter!!! OBVIOUSLY written by a counselor or a woman, they gave the reader 6 techniques on how to influence him to help out around the house.

Of course you guys MUST help out around the house…it is a team thing, this marriage! But, men know that of all the 6 “ideas” and “strategies” of influencing us to change our behavior, talking and threats don’t work! The LAST idea works 100% of the time, of course. Since it was a short article, I hope the author placed it last as the final and most EFFECTIVE method.

As a man, that’s the way I read it…Here is that last tip:

Have sex: frankly, many people will use all kinds of excuses to explain why they are frustrated, except the real truth. And the truth might be that you are just feeling neglected. Be honest with yourself and discuss it with your husband. And there is nothing wrong with leaving the dishes in the sink while you both take care of more important business right there in the kitchen. The messier, the merrier.100marriagequestions.com, How Can You Get Your husband to Do the Dishes?, Aug 2009

You should read the whole article.


Choose Your Pain: Stay Married or Get Divorced

Doug

I was not in love with her anymore…I sat in the car, with the rain streaming down my windshield feeling utterly hopeless. My life, family, passion, legacy, friends…it was all at a crossroads. It looked as though either road was going to be filled with pain and suffering…great.

That event happened over 3 years ago and sometimes, when we still disagree, I have a flash of “Did I make the right choice to stick this out?” Divorce would have been easier, I tell myself. Sure, the pain would be throbbing in our heads. But, all pain is temporary, Doug. Eventually, you two could move ON with your life and start fresh. Millions of people do it. Why not join the ranks, find your true self and get on with it…

Ahhh…the children…Yes, we have 3 incredible children. How can you “abandon” them? I can’t. I won’t. I didn’t.

Families going through these issues need to do just that…go THROUGH them. After countless counseling sessions, my wife and I both realized several things that we must reinforce in our lives every day.

1. No one person can meet all of our needs. Expecting your spouse to be EVERYTHING to you isn’t normal.

2. It is OK to share thoughts, feelings, and ideas without expecting a response or personifying it. If I feel a certain way, it does NOT mean that you caused it or are to blame. Those are my feelings and issues; I must take charge of them.

3. The pain and suffering of sticking it out in a “hopeless” marriage isn’t easy. I do believe it is easier to get divorced. But, I also don’t believe any situation is hopeless. Like Captain Kirk so proudly states, “I don’t believe in the no-win scenario.” There is a solution to your marital pain that can create a renewal of self AND us. Being strong individuals FIRST is so important if there is to ever be a marriage again.

4. Take stock in who you are, what you want, and clearly lay it out to yourself first, then to your spouse. Find points and areas where you agree and compliment each other. On the areas where you do not agree, simply acknowledge that BOTH of you have those and it is NORMAL to have them.

There is a whole lot more to discuss on this topic and your comments are welcome. Staying together for the children is a great place to start, but it shouldn’t end there. Rekindling a marriage can be fun if you take the attitude you had when you dated. We used a system called “Light Your Fire” and it worked VERY well. I borrowed many of these concepts in integrated them into my book, “Make Your Wife Hot” which may be a chauvinistic title, but has great emotional content that ladies can use as well.

Part 1 of a 3 part series….stay tuned


New Hot Spots for My Hot Wife

Doug

You have favorite parts of your wife’s body that you most frequently like to explore, but there is more to her than a vagina, breasts and butt. The largest amount of nerve endings for sexual stimulation may be packed into those areas, but she has pleasure sensors all over her body, and the more you are able to treat her ENTIRE body like a temple, the less you’ll be accused of being a “pig with a one track mind.” Incorporating a variety of touching into these places during foreplay and sex, or just giving her some pleasure after a hard day, will definitely earn you some brownie points. Besides, just because you KNOW what makes her click doesn’t mean you can’t find/create/invent NEW ways to stimulate her body and soul!

Hair

Going to the salon or spa is like a mini-vacation for most women. Treat your wife to a spa treatment as often as you can. The process of wash, cut, color, and styling can actually be quite a stress reliever. My wife REALLY loves to have her scalp massaged. Ask anyone who goes to the salon what their favorite part is and they’ll tell you the shampooing! Running your hands gently through her hair is a surefire way to send tingles down her spine. After you massage her scalp a bit, let your fingers massage circles from her temples to the nape of her neck and gently blow in her ear…hmmm….

Nape of her neck

Japanese culture regards the nape of the neck as THE most sensual part of a woman’s body. Don’t believe me? Take a look at 100 art pieces and you’ll find over half of the images of woman reveal the back of her neck. Once you get to the nape of her neck, lightly kiss it followed by a gentle neck rub. The nape of the neck is often neglected in favor of more obvious pleasure centers, but never underestimate the power of gentle touches and kisses from her hairline to her shoulders.

Small of her back

The best way to guide your woman through a crowd is to place your hand against the small of her back. This small gesture shows that you feel protective of her without being too pushy like an arm around the shoulder might be. Touching and holding the small of her back gives her support, comfort and a feeling of protection. Next time you are engaged in foreplay, use that feeling of security to your advantage by spending a few moments there with your hands, mouth and fingers.

Behind her knees

This area is one that most men don’t think of when trying to stimulate a woman, but it is, in fact, quite sensitive. Gently caressing the back of the knee under her skirt while the two of you are in a public place will make her ready to get busy once you get home. Don’t forget to pay some more attention to this special spot once you’re alone too. Giving erotic massages to your wife is foreplay 101, and the more you focus on all the forgotten parts of her body, the more she will realize you love ALL of her! Showing her that love non-sexually AND sexually is important to the relationship you are building and growing. My book was created out of necessity to re-charge my 21 year marriage that was on the brink of disaster. It’s more than a book, it’s a rescue tool for ANY relationship.

Palms of her hands

Ditto for massaging hands. With more women working on keyboards, holding children and doing more physical labor than most men, focusing on her hands is a great start. People often use their hands as tools to please their partners, but rarely do they consider the pleasure potential of stimulating the hands themselves. The palm of a woman’s hand is an innocuous spot to focus a little attention on without making people around you uncomfortable. Tracing your finger along her palm will give her delightful shivers and make you appear sensitive and attentive.

Earlobes

Touching, kissing and even lightly biting the earlobes of your woman will up the bliss factor for her. These delicate, soft lobes are very sensitive and most women thoroughly enjoy the sensation of having a man’s lips on them. Whispering sweet nothings into her ear, or naughty somethings can send her into unimaginable anticipation depending on what you say and when. If you aren’t too poetic, focus on the nibbling, blowing and kissing. Don’t think that jamming your tongue inside her ear is sexy or romantic. Slow, soft, steady and subtle are the keywords here.

Feet

A GOOD foot massage to help her relax, is often better than a back massage especially if she is on her feet all day. Use some massage oil or lotion to make the experience more pleasurable (and possibly reduce foot odor). Don’t forget to pay some attention to her toes, ankles and the sides of her feet too. Bending the toes back and forth is a great start. My wife really enjoys it when I massage her individual “piggies” one by one, rolling my fingers around each of her toes. If she is ticklish, be nice!

Inner thighs

Touching her inner thighs and NOT going into her vagina will make for an excellent tease that is sure to get excited. Kiss the insides of her thighs, getting excruciatingly close to her ultimate pleasure spot, and then pull back before going all the way. If you can’t resist and find yourself on her vagina while doing this, there are no rules that say you can’t go back to her thighs midstream. In fact, the teasing involved with STOPPING oral sex extends the anticipation of the orgasm and strengthens the inevitable rush of euphoria.

Conclusion

Her entire body is covered with nerve endings that could be stimulated, but that doesn’t mean that she doesn’t have some places that simply don’t do anything for her. Some women can’t stand to have their wrists, face or other areas touched. Exploration with permission is the plan here, buddy. As you explore, you’ll learn which places your touch has the best effect on and which you should avoid. One place that works 100% of the time is her heart. Be sure to buy her a gift every once in a while. If there is no reason to do so, that IS the perfect reason to do so.

For more ideas, strategies and tactics on creating a sexually-charged relationship for life, visit www.makeyourwifehot.com.


Top 10 Things Women Love to Hear

Doug

"What did you say?"

One of my favorite online magazines is AskMen. Just as we all enjoy Glamour for the pictures, AskMen always has great content, tips and advice for single and married guys. Remember when using these tools that SINCERITY is more important than volume! Only sincere compliments work, so be factual and be romantic! Below are 10 things that you can always use to make YOUR life better and your relationship smoother…

Number 10 “How was your day?” When you ask her how her day went, her interpretation is that you are thoughtful and eager to know about her 9-to-5 routine. Be warned though: This question gives her license to talk at length about all the little dramas that occurred throughout her day. So be ready to set aside some time to listen to her stories.

Why it makes you look good: To her, it’s the thought that counts. Asking about her day shows that you’re receptive, interested and open to listening to her. You’re giving her an outlet to vent and acting as her confidante. Sure, you might have to listen longer than you want to, but once she’s done talking shop, she’ll be talking about you.

Number 9 “How do you feel about [anything]?” Asking this question tells your lady that you’re genuinely concerned about her feelings. And, as both Oprah and Dr. Phil have proven beyond a shadow of a doubt, women love to express their feelings on every topic imaginable. Know, however, that you’re setting yourself up for a lengthy and deep conversation about whatever the topic may be. So don’t ask this if you’re planning to watch a game that night.

Why it makes you look good: It’s all about showing the compassionate side. Once she understands that you’re devoting attention to her it will make all her feelings about you that much more intense. So, if you were just kind of attractive before, you’ll become a stud in her eyes. If you were a friend before, now she’ll want more. Get the picture?

Number 8 “You’re really smart.” By acknowledging her intelligence, you’re communicating that you recognize her brains, as well as her figure. This makes a woman feel appreciated for all her assets, not just the parts that fit in a thong or a bra. It’s a mark of respect from her man.

Why it makes you look good: First off, she’ll appreciate that you are capable of thinking above the waistline. Women love a cordial man, and there’s no better way for you to show off your gentlemanly qualities than to praise and distinguish her smart.

Number 7 “I can’t believe how sexy you look!” Straight up, this tells her that you find her attractive, and to a lesser extent, that you want some. But, if you’re in a relationship, she’ll hear more than that — namely, that you’re still lustfully appreciating her fine ass. No woman could fail to be flattered by that compliment.

Why it makes you look good: This line is particularly effective in long-term relationships, as you’re assuring your woman that she’s still hot. In return, this makes her want to share her hotness with you. Any questions? Didn’t think so.

Number 6 “You’re prettier than your girlfriends.” Putting her on a pedestal among her peers gives her an ego boost that she can secretly lord over her gal pals. It’s high praise in the world of women, and will score you some big flattery points.

Why it makes you look good: Aside from making her feel aesthetically superior to other women, this little remark will make her cognizant of how much you value her. She’ll also feel less threatened by her friends when they are around you. She’ll feel good about herself and consequently will want to reward your good taste. There is a potential flip side, however: the jealous partner may take this only as evidence that you’re checking out her friends.

Number 5 “You’re great in bed.” Simply put, this line makes her feel like a goddess. Hearing it suggests that her sexuality has been elevated in your eyes and makes her feel like she really knows how to satisfy her man. It could also help to knock away any inhibitions she might have in the bedroom.

Why it makes you look good: Praising her performance indicates that for you, sex isn’t just about getting your rocks off. You appreciate every aspect of the experience itself, particularly the extra efforts she puts towards it. (Blogger’s Note: For more tips on what women REALLY want, check out this site. Keep in mind the content was written by my wife AND myself, but the context is male oriented)

Number 4 “I want to spend my life with you.” This is a heavy line; it’s not many degrees away from proposing to her. So be prepared for the consequences if you utter it. But also keep in mind that risk often carries reward — once you tell her this she’ll be doing mental backflips of joy. Other phrases that work in a similar vein but are less committal are, “Only you can make me so happy,” and, “I wouldn’t want to be with anyone else.”

Why it makes you look good: All women love to hear a formal expression of enduring commitment from their man. Brother, to her, you’ll practically receive a permanent halo after this.

Number 3 “You’re my best friend.” You’re telling her how you feel above and beyond a sexual context. It means you’ve placed value upon your friendship and want to do things with her that other men may not have had an interest in. She’ll feel overpoweringly connected to you after you say this.

Why it makes you look good: These words change you from being just the guy she’s doing to the guy she is doing things with, too. It rockets you to the top of the suitor list because you’ve openly declared the F-word: friendship.

Number 2 “You’ll make a great mother.” Most women look forward to having babies one day. Most also agonize over whether they will do a good job of it. By saying this you affirm to her that she’ll be a success. Furthermore, you satisfy her internal need to be pacified on the subject. Coming from her man, these words will make her the happiest she can be.

Why it makes you look good: Indirectly, you just confirmed to your woman that you’re thinking about making babies with her. Obviously, this is great music to her ears. From this point onwards, she’ll be ever more receptive to your advances.

Number 1 “You make my life complete.” This tells her that she’s the only one for you. All women want to hear this line from their men. It says that you’ve accepted her completely and that she has become an essential, indispensable ingredient in your life. That’s an unbelievably gratifying thought to your woman — she’ll be smiling for days.

Why it makes you look good: This basically says that you need her in your life, and that you couldn’t live without her. Women fall head over heels for this kind of stuff. honorable mention “I love you.” The “three little words” that all the chick flicks place so much importance on can have a serious impact. If you’re in a long-term relationship, it’s good to say this every now and then.

For more ideas, strategies and tactics on creating a sexually-charged relationship for life, visit www.makeyourwifehot.com.


Hope for Your Marriage

Doug

It’s not often that I re-post another article…after all, this is MY blog and advice and commentary about my 21 years of marriage. You’ve read about how love and sex is a comedy, tragedy and love story all in one. However, after reading Alisa’s post (http://projecthappilyeverafter.com) I can tell you that she has the “right stuff” when it comes to communication and relationships. She is a gifted author and definitely worth the read.

YOUR relationship has the potential to become whatever you want it to be!

Your DECISION can be much more important than your history or circumstances. Take charge of what you really want and just decide to stay married, act married, and become the man of her dreams. After YOU take charge of that decision, chances are VERY high that she will become the MILF of your dreams and the relationship everyone envies. Here is Alisa’s most recent post, below:

Many people ask me how I found the motivation to work on my marriage when so much was going wrong. Most of the people who ask this are entrenched in the Planning The Funeral stage of marital discontent—what I sometimes refer to as mile 20 of the marriage marathon. Their sex life is either non-existent or unfulfilling. They don’t have conversations. When they go out to dinner together, there’s silence. When they do talk, they fight. And when they fight, the rarely if ever reach a resolution.

As a result, they console themselves by imagining what their lives would be like if their partners would conveniently drop dead.

Yeah, I’ve been there.

So how did I find the courage to work on my marriage when everything seemed so hopeless?

The courage came from a deep place. It was an act of faith. It will be an act of faith for you, too. In the beginning, you won’t know for sure whether or not your marriage project will work. So you must decide to work on your marriage for reasons that go beyond the finish line. You do it for your self, because:

1.    You need to know—without a doubt—that your marriage is or is not worth saving. The only way to know for sure? Try to save your marriage and see if you make any improvement. At the beginning of your marriage project, rate your marriage on a scale of 1 (I wish he would just drop dead) to 10 (I am so glad I married him!) Four months later, rate it again. If your rating went up? Your marriage has potential. If it stayed the same or went down? It’s probably not worth saving. Sure, you’d rather have the ease of posing the Is My Marriage Worth Saving? to a Magic 8 Ball, but I’m pretty sure my method—while more time-consuming—is much more reliable. It allows you to walk away from your marriage (if it comes to that) without a shred of guilt, because you tried everything and everything did not work.

2.    You need to work on you. Your bad marriage is not entirely your spouse’s fault. You are a part of the problem. A bad marriage is caused by the chemistry between two people. One person doesn’t ask for what she wants, which allows the other person to get away with whatever he wants. One person is controlling, which allows the other person to never stick her neck out and make a decision. Usually, the thing about your partner that you most hate is the thing that will make you feel most incomplete if you split up. Working on your marriage will force you to work on yourself, so you’ll become more assertive, learn how to communicate, evolve into a better listener, and more. So even if you do eventually split up, you’ll still be better off, because you’ll be a more complete person.

But you need more than that, right? You want a guarantee. You want to know that it will work. I just can’t give you that. What I can tell you is this: Not a day goes by that I don’t feel downright grateful that my husband is still in my life. Slightly more than two years ago? Not a day went by that I didn’t think about how much better off I would be if my husband were no longer in my life.

Today, when I’m irritated with my husband, I tell him. I’ve learned how to talk about such issues in a way that does not make him defensive, and he’s learned how to listen and respond. Whenever something bothers me about my marriage, I’ve learned to see if as a problem, one that my husband and I can solve together.

I’ve also learned to recognize grumpiness for what it is: grumpiness. I’m not as quick to go to the He Doesn’t Love Me Place when my husband is having a hunger emergency and accidentally bites my head off because I can’t seem to find the restaurant we’re looking for. No, I’m much more likely to think, “That big brat is having a hunger emergency. I better find the restaurant before he completely implodes.” And once he’s shoveled some food into himself, I say, “Are you still mad at me?” He says, “God no. I’m so sorry” and that’s that.

My husband makes my latte for me every morning, not because I can’t make one for myself, but because he knows I like it when he makes my latte. It makes me feel loved. And I make sure to Atta Boy him whenever he does something around the house for the same reason. Even when he does something small, like buy me a gift for no reason, I am sure to let him know I appreciate the gesture.

Our sex life? My husband recently told me that he’d like to do it every other day. As he said it, though, he acknowledged that he didn’t think it was really possible. And instead of feeling put upon, I thought, “I would really love to make that wish come true, because I really do love this guy.” And this week? I have. He’s floored. I’m not the wife he knows, but he certainly likes the new me.

Your marriage might get to this place some day, too. It won’t happen overnight. It won’t happen linearly, either. You’ll continually take two steps forward and one step back. But if you continue to grow and change together (your partner has to be willing to work at it, too), you can get to this place, too.

-Alisa Bowman
http://projecthappilyeverafter.com

For more advice and tips on marriage, love, sex, and getting YOUR wife to be understanding, fun, sexy and hot, visit http://makeyourwifehot.comand become a regular reader of my blog.


Porno: Chicken Soup for the Lustful Marriage

Doug

I remember the first time my wife and I watched porno together…yeah…it was a riot! We couldn’t help but laugh at the incredibly complex dialogue in the film. “Do me…yeah..harder” We didn’t expect Oscar material, of course. However, we did expect some kind of foreplay/build up that would make the actual scenes somewhat interesting….HA!

It is interesting to note that the advent of the Internet and amateur porn has done a real service to adding the spice to relationships. Initially, we saw amateur porn as a dilution and slippery slope (pardon the pun) towards lower quality visual stimulation. We took a break for a few years and didn’t watch much at all. The stuff that was out there was simply more of the same…oooh….ahhhh…yeah…..just not very creative or interesting. We focused on some very high level psychological triggers and endorphin rushes that gave both our orgasms HUGE increases in power that I clearly describe in my book.

Last night we were surfing some sites together and found a few stimulating and interesting sites that caused our hearts to flutter and our libidos to be aroused.

Security camera footage.

Now, I know that many of these “scenes” were probably set ups, but the really interesting ones may have been actual security cameras that actually caught co-workers on tape…what a hoot! These scenes gave us just the right mix of laughter and voyeurism that made us excited and curious to see if they were going to get caught. You see. the excitement of getting caught can heighten sexual stimulation.

Perhaps you remember what it was like to mess around in High School downstairs while your parents were upstairs. Or remember the time you were at the drive-in theatre and a light flashed in your car? Any situation that involves a bit of danger naturally hightens our defensive response of fight of flight. This added amount of adrenaline obviously can make sex VERY satisfying and more thrilling than your run of the mill missionary bedroom flavor encounter.

So next time you need some extra juice to put in your MILF’s love tank, get out a porno movie, or google sites that have sexy hidden camera moments…it may give you a rush or at least give you some education on where to look for cameras, before you bend your wife over in the copier room.

For more ideas on making your marriage extra exciting, creating a smokin’ hot sex-machine for a wife, visit http://makeyourwifehot.com.  Your sex life is about to go into overdrive.


2 Secret Words for a Successful Marriage

Doug

“Just two words are all you have to know for a successful marriage,” my brother told me, “Yes dear.”

He was  SO wrong…

That was all the advice I received from my brother and dad over 21 years ago as I decided it was time to settle down, get married and start a family. Of course, there was a preamble I also heard, “I’m sorry” which can always be put in front of the sentence for added insurance.

My wife and I used to be proud that we never fought. I was always a charismatic, strong, and fun-to-be around entrepreneur. When it came to matters of the marriage, we got along and had no reason to argue. We told many people that we never fought, never argued and if there was a disagreement, hey…I remembered the advice I got. “Yes dear” pretty much eliminated conflict. What the hell, why should I get all bent out of shape. What IS worth arguing about? Little did I realize that proper arguing could lead to communication AND great make-up sex!

I never learned about professional arguing. I always thought that when a person raised his voice or made an “attack” that the opposing party would always get defensive or equally bad, simply not listen. Who wants to hear someone shout anyway? My hearing works well enough that volume doesn’t increase my retention-OK?

We didn’t fight or argue so when small matters of the marriage grew and festered, we didn’t confront them. We both thought the topics were too painful to bring up (I worked too much, she didn’t put out, etc.). We were too busy with the kids to realize that our inattention to our marriage would spiral down almost to the point of destruction.

For two non-fighting folks, we simply ignored our situation. What a mistake.

If we had confronted our issues BEFORE they grew we could have avoided years of marital discourse, an affair, and all the pain and suffering resulting from our mutual disconnect.

On the flip side, since we truly VALUED each other as individuals and made a COMMITMENT to our marriage, we decided to slug it out now. That means we had permission from each other to fight, argue and even bring up crap from the past. The results were that we are able to truly get stuff off our chest WITHOUT hurting the other person’s feelings.

We became professional arguers.

Keep in mind if you want 100% sincere, honest, open and purposeful communication then you have to be able to listen, listen, and listen some more WITHOUT interrupting, accusing, judging or being defensive. That is a tall order, but can work if you take the time to do it. (Yes, Buddy, you do…how else are you going to get more sex with your hot wife? If she’s not hot now, she WILL be after you both read my book)

Here are some VERY important tactics to pull this off:

1. Always start off your comment with “I feel”. If you say, “You make me mad the way you laugh at me.” That becomes an attack. Technically, YOU make yourself mad. Instead say, “I feel angry when you laugh like that. I know that is not your intention, but I do feel small when you do that.”

2. Start with letting her know that you are not perfect and you’ve done plenty to upset her. By letting her know that you are human and have defects like we all do levels the playing field. “I’m far from perfect and I know I’ve pissed you off before, so it’s probably no surprise, honey, that I felt the same way when you said that thing the other day.”

3. Don’t interrupt. The worst thing in the world is to interrupt a person. It clearly shows that you were not listening, digesting and analyzing what the person was telling you. Instead you were thinking about what YOU wanted to communicate. A person is incapable of listening if they are formulating a sentence. Let her talk first and let her get it all out. Period.

There are plenty more ideas for professional arguing. From my standpoint, the two words, “Yes dear” are the WORST advice to give to a man about to be wed. Being a milk-toast, Oprah-fied, emasculated nice guy is not what a woman wants, anyway. Most women want a strong, secure, confident man who can love her, respect her, and be a man. Be polite, of course, but don’t acquiesce all arguments. Learn how to listen, encourage and make your points without offense. Instead of “Yes dear” you may try silence followed up by a question. It also works better than “Screw you”.

For more advice on relationships, love, marriage and how to make your wife hot, visit www.makeyourwifehot.com.


My Wife’s Erotic Massage

Doug

My wife is originally from Caracas, Venezuela. She came to the US from Venezuela several years ago. We go on vacation there every few years, partly to visit her family, and partly because it is a nice change of pace from our busy lives. We stay at a secluded seaside villa with a great view and close to nothing. This was in the middle of summer and it was too hot to go out during the day, so we spend a fair amount of time on the villa balcony watching the ocean and listening to the surf and the laughter of children on the beach. In the evening, when the sun cooled down a bit, we would venture out to the sea, as my wife loves to play in the water. She wore a white, sexy bikini swimsuit that showed off her curves nicely. She was getting appreciative looks from the men at the sea, both locals and tourists. It has always made me proud to have other guys check her out.

During the week I searched the internet and I found a massage therapist for my wife from a web site and booked an appointment for an “in-room massage by experienced therapist”. Like most people, my wife loves massages. She’s had dozens of professional massages in the US and had enjoyed them immensely. Professional massages are not particularly sexual, but it was still very exciting to imagine someone touching her intimately.

The next afternoon came and promptly at the appointed time, our therapist showed up. She turned out to be an exotic looking 20-something woman, with a walk that made her look like she just floated into the room.  She was a Venezuelan College grad. She was quite dark-skinned, with an intoxicating smile. As we found out later, her name was Luciana, and she spoke absolutely no English. Luckily my wife grew up here and was, of course, fluent. I wasn’t sure where she was going to do the massage, because she didn’t bring a massage table. She just brought a box that contained some oils. Luciana then came into the bedroom and proceeded to change the sheets on the bed.

She left a plain white sheet on top and asked my wife to change and get under the sheet. Luciana and I  stood on the balcony to allow my wife to change.  I told Luciana, mostly using hand gestures, that I want to join in while she massages my wife. She understood me and proceeded to show me the massage oil that she had brought. It was coconut oil laced with some local herbs, with a strong but pleasant smell.

My wife was lying on her stomach with the sheet over her, and I noticed right away that under the thin sheet she was wearing her bra and panties. Being with a new massage therapist, she may have been reluctant to remove all her clothes. I then told her that I will be working on her with Luciana, and she was pleasantly surprised. Luciana then proceeded to lower the sheet to the middle of her back, exposing her neck and shoulders.

After doing her neck, Luciana lowered the sheet to just above my wife’s waist, exposing the smooth skin of her back. I casually reached over, unhooked her bra and let it fall to her sides. The sides of her large breasts were now partly visible to us. My wife is a small girl — very petite, with relatively large breasts, and quite a curvy figure, with a small waist and tight hips. She wasn’t always this hot. Like many women, she got frumpy for a while after 3 kids. Her transformation BACK to the hot MILF that she truly is took some work and was a great journey. You can read about it online at this blog and in my ebook.

I stopped doing anything at this point and simply watched her working on my wife’s lower back. As she lowered the sheets below her waist, the top of her pink panties came into view. It was clear that the panties were going to get in the way, so I asked Luciana to stop and gently raised my wife’s hips and lowered the panties to her knees, while still keeping her covered with the sheet. I then lowered the sheets till nearly her entire bottom was exposed. She was more hesitant this time, but by now she was so much into the massage that she didn’t resist. I then motioned to Luciana to continue, and she complied with a smile. I am blessed that my wife has a gorgeous, shapely ass, perfectly proportioned for her small frame, very soft, round and inviting. She held her legs closely together so we couldn’t see anything between her legs, but I was starting to get hard just thinking about my wife’s ass on display to a virtual stranger. Luciana continued to work on her lower back and seemed too shy to go lower, so I got some more oil and started working on one of her ass cheeks and motioned to Luciana to work on the other, and she complied. My wife started slowly squirming in pleasure. It was incredibly sexy to watch her firmly knead her buttocks that were dripping with oil. She kept at it for several minutes while she started to really respond to her hands, arching her back and raising her hips a little, and started rubbing her thighs together. The sheet got lowered even further to mid-thigh and we started getting glimpses of her beautifully waxed pussy.

I slipped off her panties that were still around her knees, and raised the sheet, till just below her buttocks. The strong smell of the massage oil filled the room and there was a delicious sexual tension in the air. Luciana bent her legs at the knees, spending ample time on the soles of her feet and kneading her toes one at a time, which I know she loves. She then went up higher and higher, all the way up her legs, till she was inches away from her pussy.

She rolled over onto her back, I removed the bra that was undone earlier and lifted her hands to take it away from her. My wife seemed like she was half-asleep and she kept her eyes shut, though I caught her stealing glances at us occasionally. I started massaging one of her breasts, and motioned to Luciana to do the same. She readily followed my example with a shy grin, and soon was kneading her breasts with both her hands. I gently tweaked one of her nipples between my thumb and index finger, as if to show Luciana what to do. She avoided playing directly with her nipples, but she was cupping each of her breasts firmly in her hands as she was massaging them. My wife again started squirming and rubbing her thighs together, and I was sure that she was starting to get all wet by now. Luciana seemed to become aroused as well…oh boy! (Was this the threesome I dreamed about?)

Feeling adventurous, I reached over and raised the sheet all the way to her waist, completely exposing her thighs. She kept her legs pressed closed together so we couldn’t really see much of her pussy. I was going to have none of that, so I gently spread her legs apart till her pussy lips, which were visibly moist, clearly came into view. I got some oil and started working on her inner thighs, which I know is very stimulating for her. I could feel her tremble at my touch and I motioned to Luciana to join me. Soon we had her legs spread enough so that both of us could work on her inner thighs. I then let Luciana take over, and she worked on the sides and insides of her thighs, but careful to avoid touching her pussy. My wife seemed to lose much of her modesty at this point, and started arching her back and raising her hips to meet her hands, though she still kept her eyes closed. It was clear to me that she wanted to get off. I let Luciana continue to tease her for several minutes, and then I started rubbing her clit and pussy lips with my fingers. I slowly inserted a finger into her pussy and found her to be very wet as I had expected. I rubbed her clit with my wet finger as Luciana continued to work on her thighs.

Luciana hesitated a little when I motioned her to take over my place, but then started massaging her clit with the well-oiled middle finger. It was clear that she seemed to be pretty good at it. Soon my wife bent her knees and lifted her ass almost entirely off the bed, responding to the finger on her clit. Luciana kept at this for several minutes while I went over to her head, and gently started massaging her shoulders and breasts. I could feel my wife’s body stiffen as she was responding to Luciana’s caresses. This was almost too much for me, to watch my wife being fondled in the most intimate way by a sexy young woman and me. My wife’s breath quickened and she bit her lower lips and then gradually appeared to relax. Though she did not make a sound, it was clear to me that she had gotten off. Luciana knew it also, and she stopped and pulled the covers over her, letting her rest for a while. I then bent down and kissed her gently on the mouth, taking her lips into my mouth, while Luciana looked on.

It was already more than half-an-hour past the end of our appointed time and Luciana was in a hurry to leave. She got out a sheet to get my signature for his payment, and my wife signed the sheet. Luciana thanked us, left and we never saw her again, but we have the memories of an erotic massage to last us a lifetime.

For more erotic stories and how YOU can create the hot wife of your dreams, read my book at www.makeyourwifehot.com.