Midlife Crisis? 8 Reasons to Listen to Your Inner Penis

Doug

Governor Sanford, Mel Gibson, and 38 million men in their midlife can’t all be wrong! Midlife crisis (Or midlife transformation if you are a Buddhist or Zen expert) is a temporary situation. Your life isn’t over, but by the time your crisis is, you’ll be three years closer to the grave. Maybe you’ve had thoughts of taking up oil painting or taking up adrenaline-based activities like bungee jumping or  hiring hookers in Panama.

Not sure if you are in a midlife crisis? Have you had thoughts such as:

•You are seriously thinking about “hiring a pro” next time you are in Vegas.
•You recently looked in the mirror and saw your dad.
•Your wife is not appealing to you anymore (and Stacey in accounting definitely is!)
•Your sex drive is waning or you just can’t go as long as you did a few years ago.
•Your wife and you have drifted apart and don’t share the same enthusiasm for life.
•You flirt more than before and/or you have looked at more porn than usual.
•Your midsection is flabby no matter how much you diet or exercise
•You think more about the past than the future.

Hello, chump…you are in a midlife crisis!

A midlife crisis cannot be treated like any problem or challenge previously experienced. There is no article, book, or therapy session that will fix it all today. Going to a fantasy ball camp or going across the country on Harley’s with your friends won’t fix it all by itself either. The journey one must go through is just that-a journey. In order to come out of this phase BETTER, STRONGER and HAPPIER one will need to reflect, grow, and map out their personal journey. Here are 8 tips to help you cry, rejoice or stay miserable:

1. Stop reading stories about success! When a guy in MLC (midlife crisis) reads about some 11 year old learning to fly or some 28 year old billionaire, not only is it an EXTREME exception, it makes us normal guys physically sick. Read about Colonel Sanders or Ray Kroc. These guys didn’t hit their business stride until their MLC was over, and their pecker was gathering dust.

2. Share ALL your perverted thoughts with your spouse. Don’t hold back. Who cares that you “thought” about a three-some when you were in Vegas! Studies have shown that 82% of guys fantasize about it, 17% pull it off, and only 1% talk to their spouses about ANYTHING! Be a contrarian and let her know. That way she won’t be surprised if you leave her for a Peruvian cage dancer. Who knows, she may be one of the 12% of women who will entertain the idea of a three-some! If you want to try to beat these odds, go ahead and read “How to Convince your Wife to Bring Home a Girlfriend” on my blog.

3. Take some time every day to reflect, think, and beat off. Listen, your life may be at a crossroad and you may decide to keep sucking up to your boss and stay with your frumpy wife. Hell, you may even elect not to get a hooker, stay faithful and suck it up, so at least take some amount of time for yourself and be happy for 8-10 minutes!

4. Definitely exercise more. Your MLC isn’t because the world is moving faster than your Nike’s, it is because you have one Florsheim in the grave already. Don’t worry, dude, everybody returns to their youth, and just because you may be wearing diapers in a few years doesn’t mean you can’t have a sexy nurse feed you your oatmeal or leave a good looking corpse. The more you convert your frustration and anxiety into meaningful exercise, the better you will feel. Plus, if you decide to get a divorce your chances of landing a nubile 29 year old with father issues instead of your mom’s friends increases ten-fold.

5. Don’t hire an escort. It is simple psychology, really. You are getting old and your body craves young, fertile females to breed with. If you are married, you run a few risks (Duh!). I shouldn’t have to remind you, but since your brain has relocated 4 inches below your belt, you need a reminder. Your 15 minutes of pleasure will be a temporary escape from the reality of your age. You didn’t REALLY impress her, Chuck. You aren’t REALLY going to marry Julia Roberts like in Pretty Woman. (Unless you look like Richard Gere and have a few million of disposable cash)

6. Cry every once in a while in front of your wife. Go ahead, let go and let it out. When the guys get together, we won’t share THAT information! But when you let your guard down in front of her, she’ll see your vulnerability, get in touch with your sensitive side, and probably give you a hummer. In any case, you’ll win points for sharing and you deserve some kind of reward for that!

7. Find a person or venue to vent…really vent. Of all the things that will make you feel better temporarily (including physical exercise, basket weaving, or blowing stuff up) the ability to talk it out, scream, or just get the crap out of your head is very important. Many of us tend to ponder the same garbage over and over again in our brains. Dumping those thoughts either on paper, to a therapist, or a non-judgemental friend is important. (NOTE: Be sure not to dump TOO much on your buddy, otherwise you may bore him to death as he pretends to care about your garbage. Or worse, he may open up and share how HIS life is even more miserable than yours!)

8. Read a few articles on midlife transformation (Eastern philosophy). The word midlife crisis is used as a Western reference point only. It isn’t really a crisis in the grand scheme of things, after all. You haven’t lost your kids and brothers in a Nazi concentration camp, chump. It’s just that our society has paved the way for you to have SO MUCH free time, that you can actually do something with your life, if you want to. Our great grandfathers were too busy working 90 hours per week to notice they were going to croak at 48. Your situation gives you the GIFT of a second life. Don’t cry too much about it. You really can take up skeet shooting as a career as long as you’ve socked away a few bucks for the trailer home in Okeechobee.

-Doug Steponin
www.makeyourwifehot.com


5 Things Men Want More Than SEX

Doug

kissing_is_good_1I recently asked a friend of mine what men want in a relationship and she point blank told me, “That’s the easiest question ever,” she said. “Men just want sex!”

While her response was obvious, my response to her was not.

In studying and writing about relationships, sexuality and marriage for years, my husband and I have distilled the whole ‘love and relationship’ game to some basic communication fundamentals. Our blog sheds some light on communication basics and advanced strategies to create a passionate romance regardless of how long you’ve been together.

Would you be surprised if I told you sex isn’t even in the top 5 things men really want from their partner? Sure, they are visual and seem quite myopic in their hunger for sex. But, sex and the pleasure it provides isn’t the final emotional feeling that men want from their girlfriends and wives, in the end, it’s five other often overlooked and under-appreciated things that men crave, desire, want, and need to make their relationship the envy of their peers. Each of these five things can *lead* to great sex, but none require it. Curious? Read on…

Women, when your man feels at his best, he will seek out every opportunity to spend more time with you and to satisfy your needs. So, it’s in your best interest to give him what he wants (and it’s easier than you would ever believe), so you’ll get more of what you want. See how it works?

1.  Men Want To Be Adored

In every man, there is a little boy (Remember what a baby he is when he is sick?). A man’s ego is fragile. Before the industrial revolution, the man with the most amount of wealth (we’ll leave out the “big harem” example) was the strongest warrior and/or the most successful hunter. Ever since he’s traded in his spear for a pda, men have defined their masculinity through sports and/or financial success. The more you give him SPECIFIC accolades about his success, the clearer your message of love and respect will be towards him. Tell him why you love him so much, often and clearly. Let him know that he is important to you. Just as you may be his Princess, your man wants to know he’s your Prince.

2.  Men Want To Be Consulted

There is no need to pretend you’re stupid, but when you find something your man is knowledgeable or passionate about, let him take the stage. When you show a sincere interest in his knowledge base, the more you subtly stroke his ego. Again, don’t be sarcastic or placating. The more you take a sincere interest in his work and hobbies, the stronger your connection will become. Ask his opinion and let him feel he’s an active part of your decisions and choices.

3.  Men Want To Be Trusted

Many of us have been hurt or lied to, but if your man isn’t the one who hurt you, trust him. After we are hurt, we tend to keep our guard up. “Guilty until proven innocent” is a popular attitude after one is hurt. Trust must be earned after a person has lied, of course. But “innocent until proven guilty” can go a long way to building more of a connection that can lead to a two-way street of trust. Go out of your way to give him no reason to doubt you and your own trustworthiness. Let him know you feel safe and secure with him.

4.  Men Want To Feel Sexy

Of course it is time to stroke his…uhmm….ego, but men like to feel sexy, handsome or fit just as much as women do. You will get SO much mileage out of a few “Do you know how sexy you are to me?” or “You look hot in that!” comments. Keep the compliments sincere and specific. Don’t praise his beer gut and say, “More to love!” Like you, he knows what areas he has to work on. However, the more you point out his strong points, the more he will work on correcting his weaknesses as well. Additionally, he will start appreciating and complimenting you more too!

5.  Men Want You To Be Their Friend

Many men don’t have the traditional social outlets that women do to discuss their emotions, dreams, and fears. By being his friend first, without judging, you allow him to open up. Interestingly, men RARELY open up to other men. They are taught at an early age NOT to shed a tear which results in them not sharing their feelings in general. Coincidentally, most affairs are born from this. A man may have a difficult time sharing his deep troubles with his wife, but can with his secretary. OOPS! Be sure you set up a “safe zone” of conversation which allows him to be vulnerable and open. Letting him know that this “safe zone” (Both verbally and geographically) in NO WAY diminishes your opinion of his manliness in all other areas.

The love of a woman can make or break a man. The woman who criticizes her man creates what she despises. The woman who encourages her man and gives him what he truly wants creates what she inspires. Give your man what he wants and your life, your relationship, and your love will get better with every passing day. You will experience more loving, more caressing and more attention from your man than you ever imagined possible!

For more strategies and ideas on creating a sexually-charged romance with you wife, read my husband’s book makeyourwifehot.com and get YOUR wife to be as hot as me!

-Chris Steponin


How To Get My Wife Back

Doug

When I first considered this question a few years back, the smart ass in me also asked, “DO I want my wife back?” The answer, no surprise, was “That depends!”

Most people who marry, do so for love. That love starts off with butterflies in your stomach, an intangible “connection” and probably great sex. Maintaining and stimulating excitement in a marriage is difficult…for some, near impossible.

So if you find yourself asking, “How do I get my wife back?” and you also ask, “Do I want to?” you’re not alone. In fact, both questions are important enough to be worthy of discussion. Please leave your comments here and I will publish all of them that are worth.

“Do I want my wife back?”

If you have to ask, it isn’t because you don’t love her. It is most likely because you, her and your relationship has changed. She may not be that bubbly young bride anymore. You may not be that big dreaming conqueror like you were. In fact, people, like everything else, changes. Sure, you’d like the “former” wife back…but is that possible?

Yes and No.

If you are in midlife, it will be impossible to go back to being 26 again. Many midlife guys mistakenly think that hanging out with, or re-marrying a younger woman will somehow make THEM younger. It might make them feel younger, but nobody can stop the clock of life.

Your wife, like you, is changing. How you adapt and grow with that change is important. The more you can talk openly and honestly about yourself and your feelings as you go through life, the more likely you will come to the conclusion that you do want your wife back. You married her for some reason all those years ago. Why not consider staying the course and creating a NEW love affair with her!

That brings us to “How do I get my wife back.” How you do it is very similar to how you did it in the first place. Many guys begin to take their wives for granted because of routine and complacency. When was the last time you complimented her on her cooking? How often do you send flowers for no reason? When was the last time you stared into her eyes and said, “Boy you look hot!”

If you want to get your wife back, (and yes, Chuck, there are reasons she may have “checked out” of the relationship) then you must court her. You have to patiently and without expecting ANY instant results, put her on a pedestal and treat her like the princess she once was and can become again. Why don’t you do something impulsive like buy her a gift for no reason?

The hardest part about this is the reaction you may get. It can be as callous as “Forget it…you had your chance. I’m out of here!” to “What’s got into you?” Regardless of the reaction you receive it is important to stay the course and keep those cards and letters coming! For more tips, see my website.

In order to win her back, you must start by changing YOUR attitude and your expectations. First of all, don’t expect ANYTHING in return. It may have taken you months or years for the decline in your marriage. Don’t expect it to turn around in a matter of days or weeks. Second, keep your attitude uplifting and fresh. Don’t be over dramatic or too pushy. Read her body language and be subtle.

Here are a few ideas:

  • Take out the garbage early.
  • Vacuum the entire house before she comes home some day.
  • Help the kids with their homework.
  • Wash and wax her car as a surprise.
  • Send her flowers for no reason.
  • Leave rose petals on your bed and bedroom floor.
  • Give her a foot massage TONIGHT!
  • Make her a gourmet dinner.
  • Send her and her friends to the salon for 1/2 day.
  • Leave her 1/2 dozen  “love you” post it notes around the house
  • Kiss her gently and softly for 1/2 an hour with NO sex.
  • Compliment her in public to her friends
  • Put her on a pedestal REGARDLESS of her reaction.

There are thousands of things, activities and deeds you can do. Saying I love you is a great start. Showing it unconditionally will seal the deal most of the time. Speaking of time, THAT is your major weapon. If she is grumpy, frumpy or just plain disinterested, don’t despair. Your cheery attitude and bright smile is sure to wear on her eventually. Killing her with kindness will be fun! Go for it!!!

For more ideas, strategies and tips on creating a hot wife, visit www.makeyourwifehot.com today.


G-Spot Basics

Doug

woman_orgasmThe g-spot is a bean-shaped, spongy mass of nerve tissue that sits just under the frontal vaginal wall. Composed of tissue that closely resembles the corpora cavernosa erectile tissue in a man’s penis, the g-spot swells in size when a woman is aroused.

It’s named after gynecologist Ernst Grafenberg, who discovered it in 1944. But it goes back farther than that, being mentioned as a “sacred spot” over one-thousand years ago by shamanic elders who were the forerunners of today’s practitioners of tantric sex.

Is the g-spot: a magical ticket to sexual bliss? It’s a controversial subject, and there are divided opinions on its very existence. Some women love g-spot stimulation, some don’t, some are ambivalent, and some women don’t seem to have one.

So, how do you find out if your lady might enjoy stimulation of this mythical buried treasure?

To locate her g-spot, it’s best for her to be aroused, as it will be easier to find in an erect state. Have her lay on her back with her hips slightly lifted or propped up on a small pillow. Put one or two fingers inside her vaginal wall towards the front of her body (belly-button side). Reach in as far as you can go, and crook your fingers toward you in a “come hither” type movement, sliding your finger/s along the vaginal wall until you find a rough-textured area. The g-spot should feel ridged or nubbly compared to the rest of the vaginal canal and is generally found about 2 inches in, although it can lie pretty much anywhere along the front of the vaginal canal – even as far back as the cervix. It’s really more of an area then an actual “spot.”

Once you’ve determined that she has one, what do you do with it? Well, that depends. Some women enjoy g-spot stimulation and some women don’t. Be aware that how much she enjoys it may also depend on where she is in her menstrual cycle.

Often, the first sensation a woman will feel with stimulation of the g-spot is an urgent need to pee. This sensation usually passes fairly quickly, however, so if you’re both patient you can get past it and to the good stuff. It may be a good idea for her to make sure her bladder is empty before stimulation!

To manually stimulate the g-spot, you will need to experiment with different pressures and motions. Communicate to find out what is most pleasurable for her. Moving your finger/s in that “come hither” motion works well for a lot of women. Because the g-spot is located inside of the vaginal wall, you may need to exert a fair bit of pressure to stimulate it. Don’t be afraid to use a firm touch.

Using the fingers in a “tapping” motion works very well to stimulate the g-spot. Tap the area with your fingers and try varying the speed and firmness of the tapping.

Try to “work” the area with small circles. Each woman is different and may appreciate different stimulation techniques.

Also try using your other hand on the outside of her body and apply soft, downward pressure just above her pubic hairline. This may increase the stimulation by “sandwiching” the area between both hands. Don’t count out toys that are specifically made for g-spot stimulation. It can take some of the guesswork out of stimulation.

As for stimulation during sex, there are positions that can help you make intimate contact. If your dick naturally curves upward, you may have a built-in ability to stimulate her g-spot! If you don’t, then any position that maximizes contact with the front of her vaginal wall will work well. Woman-on-top-facing-you works well, she can also slightly lean back to take advantage of more front-vaginal contact. The missionary position works well if you prop her hips up – and works even better if she’s laying on the edge of something and you’re standing on the floor. You may not even need to prop her hips up. By standing, you have more control over the angle your dick goes in at. For advanced techniques at stimulating her brain along with her body, visit www.makeyourwifehot.com.

Remember, each woman will have her preferences. Experiment and find out what works for your lady. She may really enjoy it, she may be annoyed by it or find it uncomfortable – or she may not even have one.

As women age they may respond more positively to g-spot stimulation. This is because their estrogen levels begin to decline and this causes their vaginal lining to become thinner, allowing easier access to the g-spot.

Importantly, some women can even ejaculate with g-spot stimulation! But keep in mind that the g-spot is not some kind of “magic button.” Just as with any other part of the body, some women will find its stimulation highly arousing, while others won’t. Don’t get too caught up in the semantics or treat it like a holy quest. Just enjoy the sexual exploration.

For more ideas and real -world advice on making YOUR wife hot, visit www.makeyourwifehot.com.


Top 10 Reasons Men Cheat

Doug

The post below is re-blogged from Cindy English and her site, “Cheating Ways” She does not condone or judge the issue of infidelity. Her site has great material on the ins and outs (sorry about that pun!) of infidelity. I added a few comments as well.

The question is as old as the problem itself…

Why do men cheat?
Is monogamy really a myth?
Are guys predestined to cheat because it is human nature?

Scientists have long explained that men are biologically motivated to seek out multiple sex partners. This natural instinct ensures a healthy gene pool and the survival of our species.

If this is true, then one cannot expect fidelity from a man. It kind of lets guys off the hook when they wander doesn’t it?

So why do they feel guilty? If it is a man’s biological right to have sex wherever, whenever, with whomever, why should they worry about being caught?

Because somewhere along the way, self imposed “ethics” and “morality” placed restrictions on human behavior…including sex!

Perhaps if guys didn’t seem to derive such pleasure from sex, it wouldn’t be such a sin. Think about it. If sex with multiple partners were just another “chore” for men as cleaning house and cooking meals is to women, would we get upset about it?

Probably not…poor guys!
Nevertheless…men do enjoy sex…a lot…and not always with their partner!

Here are their Top 10 reasons…

I’d like to say that they are in no particular order but, we all know what guys say is the number one reason that they cheat. Remember ladies, the jokes about sex ending when marriage begins, wouldn’t be funny if there weren’t some truth to them!

  1. Not getting enough at home! Women tend to get caught up in “life” and sex gets put on the “back burner”. She may be bent over helping the kids tie their shoes but he’s still looking at her “nice ass”. God…is that all they think about?
  2. It’s reassuring to know that he’s still “got it”. Time has a way of making us all feel less sexy and desirable. A little forbidden rendezvous can be a real shot to a sagging male ego.
  3. The wife just isn’t physically appealing anymore. Face it, women do tend to let themselves go. Often they get too busy raising their families and neglect themselves. They are too tired to put on make up or do those thigh slimming exercises. The result? A sexy new secretary and whatdayaknow…”Honey…I have to work late”! Don’t let this happen. Your wife WANTS to be hot and your support and encouragement may be the catlyst she needs.
  4. Sex at home is boring. The wife doesn’t like to try new things (or old things – namely, blow jobs!). To men, variety is the spice of life and he may have some sexual urges that his wife is not willing to fulfill. He may have some ideas that he would rather his wife didn’t know about. Can you say “manage-a-trios”?
  5. He just couldn’t say no. The woman was hot and all over him. It just seemed like a once in a lifetime opportunity…too good to pass up. This is where the phrase “thinking with their little head” came from!
  6. The wife just isn’t fun anymore. She worries, she nags, she fusses and they fight all of the time. He cheats to “get away from it all”. Guys, this is half YOUR fault! Be sure to be fun yourself and treat her right.
  7. He just doesn’t love his wife anymore. And just how do you tell someone that tactfully? It is easier to have an affair than it is to deal with the pain and emotional upheaval of such a confession. On the other hand…if he is caught cheating? Well, the door is then opened for a speedy exit!
  8. The thrill of the chase is exhilarating. Some men are truly addicted not only to the act of sex itself, but to the hunt. They thrive on the rush they get when they are able to conquer even the toughest “ice queen”. It’s not about love, it’s about control and winning! Men are built for competition and war.
  9. They cheat because they can. Many men know that their wives are insecure and dependant on them. They also know that low self esteem and a fear of being alone will keep her “in place” and “at home” no matter what, or who they do. So, why not? Variety – remember?
  10. And finally, men cheat to get even! It is an absolute blow to the male ego for his sexual prowess to be in question. Why else would a woman cheat on him? His own affair as a result, serves two purposes, revenge and reassurance of manhood.

These are the top 10 reasons. There are probably many more. Are any of them “excuseable”? Mmmm…a couple…maybe (although most women won’t agree).

Are any of them “preventable”?
Of course.

Although monogamy may not human nature…it is a choice!

For more ideas and strategies to create a LOVE AFFAIR with your wife, visit www.makeyourwifehot.com and have the passionate relationship you deserve.


How Can You Get Your Husband To Do The Dishes?

Doug

As any responsible journalist (Is that what I am now? LOL) it is my duty to not only share what I know about love, sex, marriage, and intimacy from a man’s perspective, but also check out what the ladies are thinking! I know the old jokes about it being impossible to understand women, but as you read my blog and book, you’ll see that it is really quite simple and boils down to open, honest, and NON-JUDGMENTAL communication. I was reading an article from  the site, www.100marriagequestions.com today about “How to get your husband to do the dishes” and burst out in laughter!!! OBVIOUSLY written by a counselor or a woman, they gave the reader 6 techniques on how to influence him to help out around the house.

Of course you guys MUST help out around the house…it is a team thing, this marriage! But, men know that of all the 6 “ideas” and “strategies” of influencing us to change our behavior, talking and threats don’t work! The LAST idea works 100% of the time, of course. Since it was a short article, I hope the author placed it last as the final and most EFFECTIVE method.

As a man, that’s the way I read it…Here is that last tip:

Have sex: frankly, many people will use all kinds of excuses to explain why they are frustrated, except the real truth. And the truth might be that you are just feeling neglected. Be honest with yourself and discuss it with your husband. And there is nothing wrong with leaving the dishes in the sink while you both take care of more important business right there in the kitchen. The messier, the merrier.100marriagequestions.com, How Can You Get Your husband to Do the Dishes?, Aug 2009

You should read the whole article.


Choose Your Pain: Stay Married or Get Divorced

Doug

I was not in love with her anymore…I sat in the car, with the rain streaming down my windshield feeling utterly hopeless. My life, family, passion, legacy, friends…it was all at a crossroads. It looked as though either road was going to be filled with pain and suffering…great.

That event happened over 3 years ago and sometimes, when we still disagree, I have a flash of “Did I make the right choice to stick this out?” Divorce would have been easier, I tell myself. Sure, the pain would be throbbing in our heads. But, all pain is temporary, Doug. Eventually, you two could move ON with your life and start fresh. Millions of people do it. Why not join the ranks, find your true self and get on with it…

Ahhh…the children…Yes, we have 3 incredible children. How can you “abandon” them? I can’t. I won’t. I didn’t.

Families going through these issues need to do just that…go THROUGH them. After countless counseling sessions, my wife and I both realized several things that we must reinforce in our lives every day.

1. No one person can meet all of our needs. Expecting your spouse to be EVERYTHING to you isn’t normal.

2. It is OK to share thoughts, feelings, and ideas without expecting a response or personifying it. If I feel a certain way, it does NOT mean that you caused it or are to blame. Those are my feelings and issues; I must take charge of them.

3. The pain and suffering of sticking it out in a “hopeless” marriage isn’t easy. I do believe it is easier to get divorced. But, I also don’t believe any situation is hopeless. Like Captain Kirk so proudly states, “I don’t believe in the no-win scenario.” There is a solution to your marital pain that can create a renewal of self AND us. Being strong individuals FIRST is so important if there is to ever be a marriage again.

4. Take stock in who you are, what you want, and clearly lay it out to yourself first, then to your spouse. Find points and areas where you agree and compliment each other. On the areas where you do not agree, simply acknowledge that BOTH of you have those and it is NORMAL to have them.

There is a whole lot more to discuss on this topic and your comments are welcome. Staying together for the children is a great place to start, but it shouldn’t end there. Rekindling a marriage can be fun if you take the attitude you had when you dated. We used a system called “Light Your Fire” and it worked VERY well. I borrowed many of these concepts in integrated them into my book, “Make Your Wife Hot” which may be a chauvinistic title, but has great emotional content that ladies can use as well.

Part 1 of a 3 part series….stay tuned


New Hot Spots for My Hot Wife

Doug

You have favorite parts of your wife’s body that you most frequently like to explore, but there is more to her than a vagina, breasts and butt. The largest amount of nerve endings for sexual stimulation may be packed into those areas, but she has pleasure sensors all over her body, and the more you are able to treat her ENTIRE body like a temple, the less you’ll be accused of being a “pig with a one track mind.” Incorporating a variety of touching into these places during foreplay and sex, or just giving her some pleasure after a hard day, will definitely earn you some brownie points. Besides, just because you KNOW what makes her click doesn’t mean you can’t find/create/invent NEW ways to stimulate her body and soul!

Hair

Going to the salon or spa is like a mini-vacation for most women. Treat your wife to a spa treatment as often as you can. The process of wash, cut, color, and styling can actually be quite a stress reliever. My wife REALLY loves to have her scalp massaged. Ask anyone who goes to the salon what their favorite part is and they’ll tell you the shampooing! Running your hands gently through her hair is a surefire way to send tingles down her spine. After you massage her scalp a bit, let your fingers massage circles from her temples to the nape of her neck and gently blow in her ear…hmmm….

Nape of her neck

Japanese culture regards the nape of the neck as THE most sensual part of a woman’s body. Don’t believe me? Take a look at 100 art pieces and you’ll find over half of the images of woman reveal the back of her neck. Once you get to the nape of her neck, lightly kiss it followed by a gentle neck rub. The nape of the neck is often neglected in favor of more obvious pleasure centers, but never underestimate the power of gentle touches and kisses from her hairline to her shoulders.

Small of her back

The best way to guide your woman through a crowd is to place your hand against the small of her back. This small gesture shows that you feel protective of her without being too pushy like an arm around the shoulder might be. Touching and holding the small of her back gives her support, comfort and a feeling of protection. Next time you are engaged in foreplay, use that feeling of security to your advantage by spending a few moments there with your hands, mouth and fingers.

Behind her knees

This area is one that most men don’t think of when trying to stimulate a woman, but it is, in fact, quite sensitive. Gently caressing the back of the knee under her skirt while the two of you are in a public place will make her ready to get busy once you get home. Don’t forget to pay some more attention to this special spot once you’re alone too. Giving erotic massages to your wife is foreplay 101, and the more you focus on all the forgotten parts of her body, the more she will realize you love ALL of her! Showing her that love non-sexually AND sexually is important to the relationship you are building and growing. My book was created out of necessity to re-charge my 21 year marriage that was on the brink of disaster. It’s more than a book, it’s a rescue tool for ANY relationship.

Palms of her hands

Ditto for massaging hands. With more women working on keyboards, holding children and doing more physical labor than most men, focusing on her hands is a great start. People often use their hands as tools to please their partners, but rarely do they consider the pleasure potential of stimulating the hands themselves. The palm of a woman’s hand is an innocuous spot to focus a little attention on without making people around you uncomfortable. Tracing your finger along her palm will give her delightful shivers and make you appear sensitive and attentive.

Earlobes

Touching, kissing and even lightly biting the earlobes of your woman will up the bliss factor for her. These delicate, soft lobes are very sensitive and most women thoroughly enjoy the sensation of having a man’s lips on them. Whispering sweet nothings into her ear, or naughty somethings can send her into unimaginable anticipation depending on what you say and when. If you aren’t too poetic, focus on the nibbling, blowing and kissing. Don’t think that jamming your tongue inside her ear is sexy or romantic. Slow, soft, steady and subtle are the keywords here.

Feet

A GOOD foot massage to help her relax, is often better than a back massage especially if she is on her feet all day. Use some massage oil or lotion to make the experience more pleasurable (and possibly reduce foot odor). Don’t forget to pay some attention to her toes, ankles and the sides of her feet too. Bending the toes back and forth is a great start. My wife really enjoys it when I massage her individual “piggies” one by one, rolling my fingers around each of her toes. If she is ticklish, be nice!

Inner thighs

Touching her inner thighs and NOT going into her vagina will make for an excellent tease that is sure to get excited. Kiss the insides of her thighs, getting excruciatingly close to her ultimate pleasure spot, and then pull back before going all the way. If you can’t resist and find yourself on her vagina while doing this, there are no rules that say you can’t go back to her thighs midstream. In fact, the teasing involved with STOPPING oral sex extends the anticipation of the orgasm and strengthens the inevitable rush of euphoria.

Conclusion

Her entire body is covered with nerve endings that could be stimulated, but that doesn’t mean that she doesn’t have some places that simply don’t do anything for her. Some women can’t stand to have their wrists, face or other areas touched. Exploration with permission is the plan here, buddy. As you explore, you’ll learn which places your touch has the best effect on and which you should avoid. One place that works 100% of the time is her heart. Be sure to buy her a gift every once in a while. If there is no reason to do so, that IS the perfect reason to do so.

For more ideas, strategies and tactics on creating a sexually-charged relationship for life, visit www.makeyourwifehot.com.


Top 10 Things Women Love to Hear

Doug

"What did you say?"

One of my favorite online magazines is AskMen. Just as we all enjoy Glamour for the pictures, AskMen always has great content, tips and advice for single and married guys. Remember when using these tools that SINCERITY is more important than volume! Only sincere compliments work, so be factual and be romantic! Below are 10 things that you can always use to make YOUR life better and your relationship smoother…

Number 10 “How was your day?” When you ask her how her day went, her interpretation is that you are thoughtful and eager to know about her 9-to-5 routine. Be warned though: This question gives her license to talk at length about all the little dramas that occurred throughout her day. So be ready to set aside some time to listen to her stories.

Why it makes you look good: To her, it’s the thought that counts. Asking about her day shows that you’re receptive, interested and open to listening to her. You’re giving her an outlet to vent and acting as her confidante. Sure, you might have to listen longer than you want to, but once she’s done talking shop, she’ll be talking about you.

Number 9 “How do you feel about [anything]?” Asking this question tells your lady that you’re genuinely concerned about her feelings. And, as both Oprah and Dr. Phil have proven beyond a shadow of a doubt, women love to express their feelings on every topic imaginable. Know, however, that you’re setting yourself up for a lengthy and deep conversation about whatever the topic may be. So don’t ask this if you’re planning to watch a game that night.

Why it makes you look good: It’s all about showing the compassionate side. Once she understands that you’re devoting attention to her it will make all her feelings about you that much more intense. So, if you were just kind of attractive before, you’ll become a stud in her eyes. If you were a friend before, now she’ll want more. Get the picture?

Number 8 “You’re really smart.” By acknowledging her intelligence, you’re communicating that you recognize her brains, as well as her figure. This makes a woman feel appreciated for all her assets, not just the parts that fit in a thong or a bra. It’s a mark of respect from her man.

Why it makes you look good: First off, she’ll appreciate that you are capable of thinking above the waistline. Women love a cordial man, and there’s no better way for you to show off your gentlemanly qualities than to praise and distinguish her smart.

Number 7 “I can’t believe how sexy you look!” Straight up, this tells her that you find her attractive, and to a lesser extent, that you want some. But, if you’re in a relationship, she’ll hear more than that — namely, that you’re still lustfully appreciating her fine ass. No woman could fail to be flattered by that compliment.

Why it makes you look good: This line is particularly effective in long-term relationships, as you’re assuring your woman that she’s still hot. In return, this makes her want to share her hotness with you. Any questions? Didn’t think so.

Number 6 “You’re prettier than your girlfriends.” Putting her on a pedestal among her peers gives her an ego boost that she can secretly lord over her gal pals. It’s high praise in the world of women, and will score you some big flattery points.

Why it makes you look good: Aside from making her feel aesthetically superior to other women, this little remark will make her cognizant of how much you value her. She’ll also feel less threatened by her friends when they are around you. She’ll feel good about herself and consequently will want to reward your good taste. There is a potential flip side, however: the jealous partner may take this only as evidence that you’re checking out her friends.

Number 5 “You’re great in bed.” Simply put, this line makes her feel like a goddess. Hearing it suggests that her sexuality has been elevated in your eyes and makes her feel like she really knows how to satisfy her man. It could also help to knock away any inhibitions she might have in the bedroom.

Why it makes you look good: Praising her performance indicates that for you, sex isn’t just about getting your rocks off. You appreciate every aspect of the experience itself, particularly the extra efforts she puts towards it. (Blogger’s Note: For more tips on what women REALLY want, check out this site. Keep in mind the content was written by my wife AND myself, but the context is male oriented)

Number 4 “I want to spend my life with you.” This is a heavy line; it’s not many degrees away from proposing to her. So be prepared for the consequences if you utter it. But also keep in mind that risk often carries reward — once you tell her this she’ll be doing mental backflips of joy. Other phrases that work in a similar vein but are less committal are, “Only you can make me so happy,” and, “I wouldn’t want to be with anyone else.”

Why it makes you look good: All women love to hear a formal expression of enduring commitment from their man. Brother, to her, you’ll practically receive a permanent halo after this.

Number 3 “You’re my best friend.” You’re telling her how you feel above and beyond a sexual context. It means you’ve placed value upon your friendship and want to do things with her that other men may not have had an interest in. She’ll feel overpoweringly connected to you after you say this.

Why it makes you look good: These words change you from being just the guy she’s doing to the guy she is doing things with, too. It rockets you to the top of the suitor list because you’ve openly declared the F-word: friendship.

Number 2 “You’ll make a great mother.” Most women look forward to having babies one day. Most also agonize over whether they will do a good job of it. By saying this you affirm to her that she’ll be a success. Furthermore, you satisfy her internal need to be pacified on the subject. Coming from her man, these words will make her the happiest she can be.

Why it makes you look good: Indirectly, you just confirmed to your woman that you’re thinking about making babies with her. Obviously, this is great music to her ears. From this point onwards, she’ll be ever more receptive to your advances.

Number 1 “You make my life complete.” This tells her that she’s the only one for you. All women want to hear this line from their men. It says that you’ve accepted her completely and that she has become an essential, indispensable ingredient in your life. That’s an unbelievably gratifying thought to your woman — she’ll be smiling for days.

Why it makes you look good: This basically says that you need her in your life, and that you couldn’t live without her. Women fall head over heels for this kind of stuff. honorable mention “I love you.” The “three little words” that all the chick flicks place so much importance on can have a serious impact. If you’re in a long-term relationship, it’s good to say this every now and then.

For more ideas, strategies and tactics on creating a sexually-charged relationship for life, visit www.makeyourwifehot.com.


Hope for Your Marriage

Doug

It’s not often that I re-post another article…after all, this is MY blog and advice and commentary about my 21 years of marriage. You’ve read about how love and sex is a comedy, tragedy and love story all in one. However, after reading Alisa’s post (http://projecthappilyeverafter.com) I can tell you that she has the “right stuff” when it comes to communication and relationships. She is a gifted author and definitely worth the read.

YOUR relationship has the potential to become whatever you want it to be!

Your DECISION can be much more important than your history or circumstances. Take charge of what you really want and just decide to stay married, act married, and become the man of her dreams. After YOU take charge of that decision, chances are VERY high that she will become the MILF of your dreams and the relationship everyone envies. Here is Alisa’s most recent post, below:

Many people ask me how I found the motivation to work on my marriage when so much was going wrong. Most of the people who ask this are entrenched in the Planning The Funeral stage of marital discontent—what I sometimes refer to as mile 20 of the marriage marathon. Their sex life is either non-existent or unfulfilling. They don’t have conversations. When they go out to dinner together, there’s silence. When they do talk, they fight. And when they fight, the rarely if ever reach a resolution.

As a result, they console themselves by imagining what their lives would be like if their partners would conveniently drop dead.

Yeah, I’ve been there.

So how did I find the courage to work on my marriage when everything seemed so hopeless?

The courage came from a deep place. It was an act of faith. It will be an act of faith for you, too. In the beginning, you won’t know for sure whether or not your marriage project will work. So you must decide to work on your marriage for reasons that go beyond the finish line. You do it for your self, because:

1.    You need to know—without a doubt—that your marriage is or is not worth saving. The only way to know for sure? Try to save your marriage and see if you make any improvement. At the beginning of your marriage project, rate your marriage on a scale of 1 (I wish he would just drop dead) to 10 (I am so glad I married him!) Four months later, rate it again. If your rating went up? Your marriage has potential. If it stayed the same or went down? It’s probably not worth saving. Sure, you’d rather have the ease of posing the Is My Marriage Worth Saving? to a Magic 8 Ball, but I’m pretty sure my method—while more time-consuming—is much more reliable. It allows you to walk away from your marriage (if it comes to that) without a shred of guilt, because you tried everything and everything did not work.

2.    You need to work on you. Your bad marriage is not entirely your spouse’s fault. You are a part of the problem. A bad marriage is caused by the chemistry between two people. One person doesn’t ask for what she wants, which allows the other person to get away with whatever he wants. One person is controlling, which allows the other person to never stick her neck out and make a decision. Usually, the thing about your partner that you most hate is the thing that will make you feel most incomplete if you split up. Working on your marriage will force you to work on yourself, so you’ll become more assertive, learn how to communicate, evolve into a better listener, and more. So even if you do eventually split up, you’ll still be better off, because you’ll be a more complete person.

But you need more than that, right? You want a guarantee. You want to know that it will work. I just can’t give you that. What I can tell you is this: Not a day goes by that I don’t feel downright grateful that my husband is still in my life. Slightly more than two years ago? Not a day went by that I didn’t think about how much better off I would be if my husband were no longer in my life.

Today, when I’m irritated with my husband, I tell him. I’ve learned how to talk about such issues in a way that does not make him defensive, and he’s learned how to listen and respond. Whenever something bothers me about my marriage, I’ve learned to see if as a problem, one that my husband and I can solve together.

I’ve also learned to recognize grumpiness for what it is: grumpiness. I’m not as quick to go to the He Doesn’t Love Me Place when my husband is having a hunger emergency and accidentally bites my head off because I can’t seem to find the restaurant we’re looking for. No, I’m much more likely to think, “That big brat is having a hunger emergency. I better find the restaurant before he completely implodes.” And once he’s shoveled some food into himself, I say, “Are you still mad at me?” He says, “God no. I’m so sorry” and that’s that.

My husband makes my latte for me every morning, not because I can’t make one for myself, but because he knows I like it when he makes my latte. It makes me feel loved. And I make sure to Atta Boy him whenever he does something around the house for the same reason. Even when he does something small, like buy me a gift for no reason, I am sure to let him know I appreciate the gesture.

Our sex life? My husband recently told me that he’d like to do it every other day. As he said it, though, he acknowledged that he didn’t think it was really possible. And instead of feeling put upon, I thought, “I would really love to make that wish come true, because I really do love this guy.” And this week? I have. He’s floored. I’m not the wife he knows, but he certainly likes the new me.

Your marriage might get to this place some day, too. It won’t happen overnight. It won’t happen linearly, either. You’ll continually take two steps forward and one step back. But if you continue to grow and change together (your partner has to be willing to work at it, too), you can get to this place, too.

-Alisa Bowman
http://projecthappilyeverafter.com

For more advice and tips on marriage, love, sex, and getting YOUR wife to be understanding, fun, sexy and hot, visit http://makeyourwifehot.comand become a regular reader of my blog.