Make Your Wife Hot

Look at your wife, now look at the girl in this post, now back to your wife. See any resemblance? Yes? Congratulations, you married a super model.

Now, for the rest of you, your wife has had the role of income earner, mother, sister and multi-tasking, do-it-all superwoman. Has she had time for the spa, a health club and personal trainer? No?

That’s YOUR fault, Frank!

You see, a woman’s body goes through a massive amount of changes when she bears children. Some women return to their formerly sexy selves.

Many more do not.

Add to those physical changes endless feedings, diaper changes and a career and you have a woman with 30 hours of work to do in a 24 hour day. Something has to give.

So, many men fantasize, find a hobby or a girlfriend. These are strategies that, like a band-aid, may temporarily feel better, but they only cover up the real issue.

Consider taking the opposite approach.

Why don’t you continue to date, woo and worship your GIRLFRIEND, who happened to have a child?  Here’s an ideal situation, try this on and imagine the following:

1. You have an unlimited budget.

2. Encourage your wife to nurse, care for and raise your kids.

3. Outsource EVERYTHING else!

If you had a nanny to do the laundry, take care of the house, make meals, take kids to school and all the other “chores” and allowed you and your wife to nuture, teach and raise your children, she would have time to spend her days at the spa, gym and learning about proper nutrition.

When you treat her like a princess, she will feel and act like one. The more you can do to take the mundane tasks and outsource them the more time you will have to focus on your relationship, health and sex life.

“But I can’t afford a nanny,” I hear you say.

Great, then keep sleeping with frumpy mommy, Felix. Listen, if you want a sex kitten in the bedroom, then it is up to YOU to create an environment of health, abundance and sensuality for your relationship. Be a man, take charge and make more money. When you invest in outsourcing laundry, landscaping and other tasks that don’t add anything of value to your relationships, you naturally create more time FOR those relationships.

For more strategies on creating a MILF, visit my main website today.

There are as many reasons for divorce, as there are married couples!  However, you might be surprised to learn that one of the most common reasons for divorce is nothing as dramatic as spousal abuse, or drinking or drug addiction.

Many couples just grow apart.  This issue is very common in couples that marry young, and it is easy to understand.  At age eighteen or twenty, a blushing bride or proud groom has barely come adulthood, and is certainly not mature.

Interests and direction are still evolving.  And, when that evolution begins to slow and the couple find themselves in their thirties or forties, they may suddenly discover that they have grown apart.

Though many young couples think that romance will keep them together forever, a solid relationship – one that will last for thirty, forty or fifty years of married life – is based on friendship, common interests and the ability to adapt and grow WITH the inevitable changes that will happen.

If you find yourself in your forties with nothing in common with your spouse, you may feel like strangers.  You may start to become annoyed at the littlest of habits. Perhaps you’ve run out of things to talk about – other than your children – or you find yourself alone on a Saturday afternoon, trying to remember what to say. You may be bored.

This is not to suggest that you must buy a rifle and get to a practice range if your husband is an avid hunter.  Nor should a husband take up gourmet cooking if that is his wife’s hobby.  Though, some really dedicated husbands and wives HAVE taken on the challenge of jumping in with both feet! It is certainly worth a try and there is no damage by giving it a shot.

If you want to give that a try, more power to you!  Just be sure that it doesn’t backfire.  If you decide to acquire a new interest or skill just to please your spouse, be sure you are really committed to this idea or you will end up resenting your spouse for the time and effort you invest. If you take up a similar interest and you find yourself not enjoying, take the non-judgmental approach and admit that is just isn’t for you.

And try not to waste the investment by simply abandoning the activity.  Your spouse will be very happy to know you have taken an interest but, if you drop out without a reason, it will look as though you really didn’t care all that much! I really enjoyed the book from Amy Waterman, “Save My Marriage Today.” In this book she can teach any marriage how to interact in a constructive manner and actually save the “un-saveable” relationship.

In her book you will learn:

• How to get your spouse to change their attitude. (I’ve seen the methods employed in this chapter alone help turn around dozens of marriages)
• Discover the REAL REASON why marriages fail; and what to do about it…
• A simple but powerful psychological trick that will help you to put your mind in a place of happiness and relaxation. Coming from this position will make it a LOT easier to save your marriage.
• The single most important thing that you MUST do in order for love to return to your relationship. You’re probably overlooking it – most people do – but it is easy to remedy and will make all the difference in the world towards bringing the love back into your marriage.
• Discover the truth about trial separations. How to make them work if it is forced upon you and mistakes that most people make that cause them to NOT work.

Visualize a New Future: It’s a year from today (or a lot sooner), and your marriage is so solid and strong that all your friends are remarking how happy you and your partner seem to be. You’ve recovered from the stress you went through last year due to your marriage issues, and you are in a much happier place than you are now. Even better, you know that it would take wild horses to tear you and your spouse apart now.

Today that may sound impossible, but the saying, “It’s cheaper to keep her” wasn’t just talking about finances. The emotional turmoil you avoid is priceless. Click on this link and check out Amy’s book today.

HA! Who’s not heard that phrase before?

If you’ve been married for more than a few years the odds are pretty good that you’ve either said it, had your spouse say it to you or one of you has thought it without saying it!

What do you DO with information like this? What can you do? What SHOULD you do? It doesn’t matter if you are saying it or hearing it, you cannot go on like this. Time to take some action, champ!

If you are the one who’s saying it; here’s some advice.

Love has several incarnations and even phases in life. The first form of love is those butterflies in your stomach (or bulge in your pants) that make you crazy. You may lose focus on other things, you are giddy, and you basically can’t keep your hands off of each other. “Puppy love” and newlyweds are only separated by age and experience. The feeling of love is intoxicating.

This single characteristic of love, by its very nature, changes over time.

This is not to say that you cannot resurrect those butterflies after 20 years of marriage-you can. However, when it was an effortless act when you first dated, it takes some purposeful thought and habits to keep the love alive.

When someone says, “I love you but I’m not in love with you” your mission is to NOT take it personally. The worst thing you can do is to blame you, your spouse or the economy. The proper response is not to blame, but to take this opportunity to INCREASE your communication, intimacy and chemistry with one another.

Creating feelings of euphoria, excitement and lust are feelings that CAN be created with 1/2 cup of psychology,  2 teaspoons of empathy, a cup of creativity, and a dash of courage.

1. Psychology: Understanding love and “in love” and developing a plan to bring those two ideas together is step one. I will be spending over 1/2 of the time at our Sex Workshop pulling those concepts together in order to increase the quantity and intensity of a couples sexual time together.  I guarantee the day or two you invest in Las Vegas will be worth 100X the investment. Our last workshop was a TOTALLY HOT success. We’ll do another one early in 2010.

2. Empathy: While empathy is an emotion normally reserved for grieving people, I use it here as a specific tool to create or restore a connection between two people. The more you empathize with your spouse, the more you manifest some very important qualities. You open up YOUR heart to his/her desires, pains, frustrations and needs. When you open up to another person-Shazam! They do the same for you! It must be sincere and you must listen more than you talk. That is empathy. It can bring you closer together emotionally and can translate into more intimacy and sex.

3. Creativity: Let’s face it, just because you KNOW how to make her cum, doesn’t mean you need to use that SAME technique the rest of her life! All human beings crave new experiences and discovery. The journey can be just as exciting as the destination (Sometimes MORE exciting!) so get out the porno, velvet handcuffs and play. You may create a few embarrassing moments with your experimentation; so what! You’ve been married for a while, you’ve seen each other naked for years. What’s wrong with spilling the chocolate sauce on her navel, only to realize in the dim lights that it is salsa? Get out the chips and have a party!

4. Courage: Naturally, when a couple has hit a crossroad and realizes their sex live, love and relationship is sliding down, ignoring it won’t make it better. Having the courage to talk-really talk about it and the courage to TRY different things is the main quality you need.

It may hurt to experiment with the dominatrix kit you got for Valentines Day, but it never hurts to talk about your relationship as long as you are open, honest and don’t take any of your spouse’s thoughts personally. Remember, if you aren’t happy, chances are neither is your spouse. You both have some changes to make if you want to be in love again.

Get started NOW! Order my book on creating a hot wife, restoring the intimacy you once had and having the most incredible sex life imaginable!

I recently asked a friend of mine what men want in a relationship and she point blank told me, “That’s the easiest question ever,” she said. “Men just want sex!”

While her response was obvious, my response to her was not.

In studying and writing about relationships, sexuality and marriage for years, my husband and I have distilled the whole ‘love and relationship’ game to some basic communication fundamentals. Our blog sheds some light on communication basics and advanced strategies to create a passionate romance regardless of how long you’ve been together.

Would you be surprised if I told you sex isn’t even in the top 5 things men really want from their partner? Sure, they are visual and seem quite myopic in their hunger for sex. But, sex and the pleasure it provides isn’t the final emotional feeling that men want from their girlfriends and wives, in the end, it’s five other often overlooked and under-appreciated things that men crave, desire, want, and need to make their relationship the envy of their peers. Each of these five things can *lead* to great sex, but none require it. Curious? Read on…

Women, when your man feels at his best, he will seek out every opportunity to spend more time with you and to satisfy your needs. So, it’s in your best interest to give him what he wants (and it’s easier than you would ever believe), so you’ll get more of what you want. See how it works?

1.  Men Want To Be Adored

In every man, there is a little boy (Remember what a baby he is when he is sick?). A man’s ego is fragile. Before the industrial revolution, the man with the most amount of wealth (we’ll leave out the “big harem” example) was the strongest warrior and/or the most successful hunter. Ever since he’s traded in his spear for a pda, men have defined their masculinity through sports and/or financial success. The more you give him SPECIFIC accolades about his success, the clearer your message of love and respect will be towards him. Tell him why you love him so much, often and clearly. Let him know that he is important to you. Just as you may be his Princess, your man wants to know he’s your Prince.

2.  Men Want To Be Consulted

There is no need to pretend you’re stupid, but when you find something your man is knowledgeable or passionate about, let him take the stage. When you show a sincere interest in his knowledge base, the more you subtly stroke his ego. Again, don’t be sarcastic or placating. The more you take a sincere interest in his work and hobbies, the stronger your connection will become. Ask his opinion and let him feel he’s an active part of your decisions and choices.

3.  Men Want To Be Trusted

Many of us have been hurt or lied to, but if your man isn’t the one who hurt you, trust him. After we are hurt, we tend to keep our guard up. “Guilty until proven innocent” is a popular attitude after one is hurt. Trust must be earned after a person has lied, of course. But “innocent until proven guilty” can go a long way to building more of a connection that can lead to a two-way street of trust. Go out of your way to give him no reason to doubt you and your own trustworthiness. Let him know you feel safe and secure with him.

4.  Men Want To Feel Sexy

Of course it is time to stroke his…uhmm….ego, but men like to feel sexy, handsome or fit just as much as women do. You will get SO much mileage out of a few “Do you know how sexy you are to me?” or “You look hot in that!” comments. Keep the compliments sincere and specific. Don’t praise his beer gut and say, “More to love!” Like you, he knows what areas he has to work on. However, the more you point out his strong points, the more he will work on correcting his weaknesses as well. Additionally, he will start appreciating and complimenting you more too!

5.  Men Want You To Be Their Friend

Many men don’t have the traditional social outlets that women do to discuss their emotions, dreams, and fears. By being his friend first, without judging, you allow him to open up. Interestingly, men RARELY open up to other men. They are taught at an early age NOT to shed a tear which results in them not sharing their feelings in general. Coincidentally, most affairs are born from this. A man may have a difficult time sharing his deep troubles with his wife, but can with his secretary. OOPS! Be sure you set up a “safe zone” of conversation which allows him to be vulnerable and open. Letting him know that this “safe zone” (Both verbally and geographically) in NO WAY diminishes your opinion of his manliness in all other areas.

The love of a woman can make or break a man. The woman who criticizes her man creates what she despises. The woman who encourages her man and gives him what he truly wants creates what she inspires. Give your man what he wants and your life, your relationship, and your love will get better with every passing day. You will experience more loving, more caressing and more attention from your man than you ever imagined possible!

For more strategies and ideas on creating a sexually-charged romance with you wife, read my husband’s book makeyourwifehot.com and get YOUR wife to be as hot as me!

-Chris Steponin

When I first considered this question a few years back, the smart ass in me also asked, “DO I want my wife back?” The answer, no surprise, was “That depends!”

Most people who marry, do so for love. That love starts off with butterflies in your stomach, an intangible “connection” and probably great sex. Maintaining and stimulating excitement in a marriage is difficult…for some, near impossible.

So if you find yourself asking, “How do I get my wife back?” and you also ask, “Do I want to?” you’re not alone. In fact, both questions are important enough to be worthy of discussion. Please leave your comments here and I will publish all of them that are worth.

“Do I want my wife back?”

If you have to ask, it isn’t because you don’t love her. It is most likely because you, her and your relationship has changed. She may not be that bubbly young bride anymore. You may not be that big dreaming conqueror like you were. In fact, people, like everything else, changes. Sure, you’d like the “former” wife back…but is that possible?

Yes and No.

If you are in midlife, it will be impossible to go back to being 26 again. Many midlife guys mistakenly think that hanging out with, or re-marrying a younger woman will somehow make THEM younger. It might make them feel younger, but nobody can stop the clock of life.

Your wife, like you, is changing. How you adapt and grow with that change is important. The more you can talk openly and honestly about yourself and your feelings as you go through life, the more likely you will come to the conclusion that you do want your wife back. You married her for some reason all those years ago. Why not consider staying the course and creating a NEW love affair with her!

That brings us to “How do I get my wife back.” How you do it is very similar to how you did it in the first place. Many guys begin to take their wives for granted because of routine and complacency. When was the last time you complimented her on her cooking? How often do you send flowers for no reason? When was the last time you stared into her eyes and said, “Boy you look hot!”

If you want to get your wife back, (and yes, Chuck, there are reasons she may have “checked out” of the relationship) then you must court her. You have to patiently and without expecting ANY instant results, put her on a pedestal and treat her like the princess she once was and can become again. Why don’t you do something impulsive like buy her a gift for no reason?

The hardest part about this is the reaction you may get. It can be as callous as “Forget it…you had your chance. I’m out of here!” to “What’s got into you?” Regardless of the reaction you receive it is important to stay the course and keep those cards and letters coming! For more tips, see my website.

In order to win her back, you must start by changing YOUR attitude and your expectations. First of all, don’t expect ANYTHING in return. It may have taken you months or years for the decline in your marriage. Don’t expect it to turn around in a matter of days or weeks. Second, keep your attitude uplifting and fresh. Don’t be over dramatic or too pushy. Read her body language and be subtle.

Here are a few ideas:

• Take out the garbage early.
• Vacuum the entire house before she comes home some day.
• Help the kids with their homework.
• Wash and wax her car as a surprise.
• Send her flowers for no reason.
• Leave rose petals on your bed and bedroom floor.
• Give her a foot massage TONIGHT!
• Make her a gourmet dinner.
• Send her and her friends to the salon for 1/2 day.
• Leave her 1/2 dozen  “love you” post it notes around the house
• Kiss her gently and softly for 1/2 an hour with NO sex.
• Compliment her in public to her friends
• Put her on a pedestal REGARDLESS of her reaction.

There are thousands of things, activities and deeds you can do. Saying I love you is a great start. Showing it unconditionally will seal the deal most of the time. Speaking of time, THAT is your major weapon. If she is grumpy, frumpy or just plain disinterested, don’t despair. Your cheery attitude and bright smile is sure to wear on her eventually. Killing her with kindness will be fun! Go for it!!!

For more ideas, strategies and tips on creating a hot wife, visit www.makeyourwifehot.com today.

As any responsible journalist (Is that what I am now? LOL) it is my duty to not only share what I know about love, sex, marriage, and intimacy from a man’s perspective, but also check out what the ladies are thinking! I know the old jokes about it being impossible to understand women, but as you read my blog and book, you’ll see that it is really quite simple and boils down to open, honest, and NON-JUDGMENTAL communication. I was reading an article from  the site, www.100marriagequestions.com today about “How to get your husband to do the dishes” and burst out in laughter!!! OBVIOUSLY written by a counselor or a woman, they gave the reader 6 techniques on how to influence him to help out around the house.

Of course you guys MUST help out around the house…it is a team thing, this marriage! But, men know that of all the 6 “ideas” and “strategies” of influencing us to change our behavior, talking and threats don’t work! The LAST idea works 100% of the time, of course. Since it was a short article, I hope the author placed it last as the final and most EFFECTIVE method.

As a man, that’s the way I read it…Here is that last tip:

Have sex: frankly, many people will use all kinds of excuses to explain why they are frustrated, except the real truth. And the truth might be that you are just feeling neglected. Be honest with yourself and discuss it with your husband. And there is nothing wrong with leaving the dishes in the sink while you both take care of more important business right there in the kitchen. The messier, the merrier.100marriagequestions.com, How Can You Get Your husband to Do the Dishes?, Aug 2009

You should read the whole article.

"What did you say?"

One of my favorite online magazines is AskMen. Just as we all enjoy Glamour for the pictures, AskMen always has great content, tips and advice for single and married guys. Remember when using these tools that SINCERITY is more important than volume! Only sincere compliments work, so be factual and be romantic! Below are 10 things that you can always use to make YOUR life better and your relationship smoother…

Number 10 “How was your day?” When you ask her how her day went, her interpretation is that you are thoughtful and eager to know about her 9-to-5 routine. Be warned though: This question gives her license to talk at length about all the little dramas that occurred throughout her day. So be ready to set aside some time to listen to her stories.

Why it makes you look good: To her, it’s the thought that counts. Asking about her day shows that you’re receptive, interested and open to listening to her. You’re giving her an outlet to vent and acting as her confidante. Sure, you might have to listen longer than you want to, but once she’s done talking shop, she’ll be talking about you.

Number 9 “How do you feel about [anything]?” Asking this question tells your lady that you’re genuinely concerned about her feelings. And, as both Oprah and Dr. Phil have proven beyond a shadow of a doubt, women love to express their feelings on every topic imaginable. Know, however, that you’re setting yourself up for a lengthy and deep conversation about whatever the topic may be. So don’t ask this if you’re planning to watch a game that night.

Why it makes you look good: It’s all about showing the compassionate side. Once she understands that you’re devoting attention to her it will make all her feelings about you that much more intense. So, if you were just kind of attractive before, you’ll become a stud in her eyes. If you were a friend before, now she’ll want more. Get the picture?

Number 8 “You’re really smart.” By acknowledging her intelligence, you’re communicating that you recognize her brains, as well as her figure. This makes a woman feel appreciated for all her assets, not just the parts that fit in a thong or a bra. It’s a mark of respect from her man.

Why it makes you look good: First off, she’ll appreciate that you are capable of thinking above the waistline. Women love a cordial man, and there’s no better way for you to show off your gentlemanly qualities than to praise and distinguish her smart.

Number 7 “I can’t believe how sexy you look!” Straight up, this tells her that you find her attractive, and to a lesser extent, that you want some. But, if you’re in a relationship, she’ll hear more than that — namely, that you’re still lustfully appreciating her fine ass. No woman could fail to be flattered by that compliment.

Why it makes you look good: This line is particularly effective in long-term relationships, as you’re assuring your woman that she’s still hot. In return, this makes her want to share her hotness with you. Any questions? Didn’t think so.

Number 6 “You’re prettier than your girlfriends.” Putting her on a pedestal among her peers gives her an ego boost that she can secretly lord over her gal pals. It’s high praise in the world of women, and will score you some big flattery points.

Why it makes you look good: Aside from making her feel aesthetically superior to other women, this little remark will make her cognizant of how much you value her. She’ll also feel less threatened by her friends when they are around you. She’ll feel good about herself and consequently will want to reward your good taste. There is a potential flip side, however: the jealous partner may take this only as evidence that you’re checking out her friends.

Number 5 “You’re great in bed.” Simply put, this line makes her feel like a goddess. Hearing it suggests that her sexuality has been elevated in your eyes and makes her feel like she really knows how to satisfy her man. It could also help to knock away any inhibitions she might have in the bedroom.

Why it makes you look good: Praising her performance indicates that for you, sex isn’t just about getting your rocks off. You appreciate every aspect of the experience itself, particularly the extra efforts she puts towards it. (Blogger’s Note: For more tips on what women REALLY want, check out this site. Keep in mind the content was written by my wife AND myself, but the context is male oriented)

Number 4 “I want to spend my life with you.” This is a heavy line; it’s not many degrees away from proposing to her. So be prepared for the consequences if you utter it. But also keep in mind that risk often carries reward — once you tell her this she’ll be doing mental backflips of joy. Other phrases that work in a similar vein but are less committal are, “Only you can make me so happy,” and, “I wouldn’t want to be with anyone else.”

Why it makes you look good: All women love to hear a formal expression of enduring commitment from their man. Brother, to her, you’ll practically receive a permanent halo after this.

Number 3 “You’re my best friend.” You’re telling her how you feel above and beyond a sexual context. It means you’ve placed value upon your friendship and want to do things with her that other men may not have had an interest in. She’ll feel overpoweringly connected to you after you say this.

Why it makes you look good: These words change you from being just the guy she’s doing to the guy she is doing things with, too. It rockets you to the top of the suitor list because you’ve openly declared the F-word: friendship.

Number 2 “You’ll make a great mother.” Most women look forward to having babies one day. Most also agonize over whether they will do a good job of it. By saying this you affirm to her that she’ll be a success. Furthermore, you satisfy her internal need to be pacified on the subject. Coming from her man, these words will make her the happiest she can be.

Why it makes you look good: Indirectly, you just confirmed to your woman that you’re thinking about making babies with her. Obviously, this is great music to her ears. From this point onwards, she’ll be ever more receptive to your advances.

Number 1 “You make my life complete.” This tells her that she’s the only one for you. All women want to hear this line from their men. It says that you’ve accepted her completely and that she has become an essential, indispensable ingredient in your life. That’s an unbelievably gratifying thought to your woman — she’ll be smiling for days.

Why it makes you look good: This basically says that you need her in your life, and that you couldn’t live without her. Women fall head over heels for this kind of stuff. honorable mention “I love you.” The “three little words” that all the chick flicks place so much importance on can have a serious impact. If you’re in a long-term relationship, it’s good to say this every now and then.

For more ideas, strategies and tactics on creating a sexually-charged relationship for life, visit www.makeyourwifehot.com.

It’s not often that I re-post another article…after all, this is MY blog and advice and commentary about my 21 years of marriage. You’ve read about how love and sex is a comedy, tragedy and love story all in one. However, after reading Alisa’s post (http://projecthappilyeverafter.com) I can tell you that she has the “right stuff” when it comes to communication and relationships. She is a gifted author and definitely worth the read.

YOUR relationship has the potential to become whatever you want it to be!

Your DECISION can be much more important than your history or circumstances. Take charge of what you really want and just decide to stay married, act married, and become the man of her dreams. After YOU take charge of that decision, chances are VERY high that she will become the MILF of your dreams and the relationship everyone envies. Here is Alisa’s most recent post, below:

Many people ask me how I found the motivation to work on my marriage when so much was going wrong. Most of the people who ask this are entrenched in the Planning The Funeral stage of marital discontent—what I sometimes refer to as mile 20 of the marriage marathon. Their sex life is either non-existent or unfulfilling. They don’t have conversations. When they go out to dinner together, there’s silence. When they do talk, they fight. And when they fight, the rarely if ever reach a resolution.

As a result, they console themselves by imagining what their lives would be like if their partners would conveniently drop dead.

Yeah, I’ve been there.

So how did I find the courage to work on my marriage when everything seemed so hopeless?

The courage came from a deep place. It was an act of faith. It will be an act of faith for you, too. In the beginning, you won’t know for sure whether or not your marriage project will work. So you must decide to work on your marriage for reasons that go beyond the finish line. You do it for your self, because:

1.    You need to know—without a doubt—that your marriage is or is not worth saving. The only way to know for sure? Try to save your marriage and see if you make any improvement. At the beginning of your marriage project, rate your marriage on a scale of 1 (I wish he would just drop dead) to 10 (I am so glad I married him!) Four months later, rate it again. If your rating went up? Your marriage has potential. If it stayed the same or went down? It’s probably not worth saving. Sure, you’d rather have the ease of posing the Is My Marriage Worth Saving? to a Magic 8 Ball, but I’m pretty sure my method—while more time-consuming—is much more reliable. It allows you to walk away from your marriage (if it comes to that) without a shred of guilt, because you tried everything and everything did not work.

2.    You need to work on you. Your bad marriage is not entirely your spouse’s fault. You are a part of the problem. A bad marriage is caused by the chemistry between two people. One person doesn’t ask for what she wants, which allows the other person to get away with whatever he wants. One person is controlling, which allows the other person to never stick her neck out and make a decision. Usually, the thing about your partner that you most hate is the thing that will make you feel most incomplete if you split up. Working on your marriage will force you to work on yourself, so you’ll become more assertive, learn how to communicate, evolve into a better listener, and more. So even if you do eventually split up, you’ll still be better off, because you’ll be a more complete person.

But you need more than that, right? You want a guarantee. You want to know that it will work. I just can’t give you that. What I can tell you is this: Not a day goes by that I don’t feel downright grateful that my husband is still in my life. Slightly more than two years ago? Not a day went by that I didn’t think about how much better off I would be if my husband were no longer in my life.

Today, when I’m irritated with my husband, I tell him. I’ve learned how to talk about such issues in a way that does not make him defensive, and he’s learned how to listen and respond. Whenever something bothers me about my marriage, I’ve learned to see if as a problem, one that my husband and I can solve together.

I’ve also learned to recognize grumpiness for what it is: grumpiness. I’m not as quick to go to the He Doesn’t Love Me Place when my husband is having a hunger emergency and accidentally bites my head off because I can’t seem to find the restaurant we’re looking for. No, I’m much more likely to think, “That big brat is having a hunger emergency. I better find the restaurant before he completely implodes.” And once he’s shoveled some food into himself, I say, “Are you still mad at me?” He says, “God no. I’m so sorry” and that’s that.

My husband makes my latte for me every morning, not because I can’t make one for myself, but because he knows I like it when he makes my latte. It makes me feel loved. And I make sure to Atta Boy him whenever he does something around the house for the same reason. Even when he does something small, like buy me a gift for no reason, I am sure to let him know I appreciate the gesture.

Our sex life? My husband recently told me that he’d like to do it every other day. As he said it, though, he acknowledged that he didn’t think it was really possible. And instead of feeling put upon, I thought, “I would really love to make that wish come true, because I really do love this guy.” And this week? I have. He’s floored. I’m not the wife he knows, but he certainly likes the new me.

Your marriage might get to this place some day, too. It won’t happen overnight. It won’t happen linearly, either. You’ll continually take two steps forward and one step back. But if you continue to grow and change together (your partner has to be willing to work at it, too), you can get to this place, too.

-Alisa Bowman
http://projecthappilyeverafter.com

For more advice and tips on marriage, love, sex, and getting YOUR wife to be understanding, fun, sexy and hot, visit http://makeyourwifehot.comand become a regular reader of my blog.

While this isn’t a classic “steamy exploit” blog entry, it is important to try to understand and properly maneuver your emotions and communication with your wife. The ability to speak her language is MORE than half the battle to get more sex, joy and fulfillment in your marriage. My book on this topic if chock full of strategies, ideas, and techniques to take control of your relationship, get more satisfying sex, and turn any housewife into a smokin’ hot MILF!

Let’s start with a basic understanding of the way most women think.

They don’t have grudges; just like a computer,  the pop-ups happen for days, months, or even years on any issue.

Men are visual: Women are verbal. Remember that Maxim has more photos and Cosmo has more stories.

Women don’t compartmentalize like men. If we have an argument right before going to work, a man can go to work and be effective. A woman has unresolved issues that do not leave her mind…sometimes for a very long time.

SOLUTIONS:
Guys the only way to “rewire” this computer, restart the clock and have a pleasant day is to do three things:

1. Rethink your assumptions about how she thinks. Don’t use YOUR framework for discussions, arguing, and communication to further the conversation. Your brain isn’t wired the same way. Really try to understand her process. Listen, listen, and then, listen some more. Don’t judge.

2. You may not be the issue, even if you are affected by the issue. So often we think WE are the cause of the rift. While that may be true, clarify first. Ask her if you did anything wrong and if so, get it out. Once a woman gets stuff off her chest, she usually feels better.

3. Be the hero. If an issue comes up from the past or if she can’t let something go, be a champ and let her know that its OK to hold those thoughts. Just as we can’t NOT think about a pink elephant when those words are read or spoken, her ability to “let an issue go” or “close that annoying pop-up” in her brain is impossible. After you listen and encourage more talking, take some action. Do the dishes, help the kids with their homework, or give her a foot rub. Any gesture to ease her suffering will make her feel better and give you the tools to gently rewire that brain and get on the path to joy and happiness.

For more information on making your wife hot, creating an more fulfilling relationship, visit www.makeyourwifehot.com.

Busy people everywhere are trying to “arrange” their schedules around work, sleep, soccer practice, dinner,  helping kids with their homework and their love life. More often than not, the one aspect that suffers the most is their love life.

Here’s a unique solution.

Think about the BEST most recent encounter you’ve had with your wife. Think about the last time you were together and had really good sex. Not a typical romp, mind you. Think about the last really, really great time you had.

With that in mind, do what I did and take that thought and energy and interrupt whatever she is doing and take her into your bathroom, bedroom or closet at THAT MOMENT and have a quickie.

You don’t even have to finish her off. Yesterday, after a grueling day at work, she seemed tired, overworked, and pre-occupied. When I told her to “come here I have something to show you,” she had no idea what was about to happen.

I took her into the bathroom, kissed her passionately and hiked her dress up. She tried to stop me and talked about her period. These excuses were no match for my lust. I put her on the sink counter top and did her right there. My son was in the other room, so while we were quiet, we didn’t pause, stop or consider moving to a new room. The moment was spontaneous, passionate, and unstoppable. We didn’t have a long session, mind you. It wasn’t gentle. It wasn’t even that romantic.

It was spontaneous. It was passionate. It was over in less than 10 minutes.

But it was a moment that was unplanned and she was every bit as excited as the time before when there was hours of anticipation and rose petals on the bed. This wasn’t one of those times. She wasn’t always this insatiable or hot. She used to be cautious, a bit frumpy and busy being a full-time mom. But ever since we co-authored the book, “How to Make Your Wife Hot” she’s been impossible to cool down.

For more information on creating off the chart sex with your wife, visit www.makeyourwifehot.com.