Tiger Woods: Infidelty or Poor Driving?

Doug

tiger woodsWas Tiger Woods having an affair? There is no clarity to his recent car accident and golf-club wielding wife’s desire to break a window or his cheating skull. All men of power and influence are susceptible to affairs. If he had one…chalk it up to his DNA, childhood or conflicted relegation of his powers. If, indeed it is true that he is “involved” with Rachel Uchitel, I can understand. It would be nothing new.

This is a pattern you may be familiar with. The alpha male, who has incredible laser focus on his work is a warrior, a conqueror and this personality is not limited to war or business. It often spills over into the world of seduction. On the surface they may be “good” people. He is an achiever; he has a nice wife and a beautiful family. But underneath the façade is a man who is built for conquest.

It is men (and some women) whose achievements expand exponentially who are in danger of having affairs. There are two main reasons for this.

  1. 1. Environmental Influence. Men who are raised on “James Bond” and other fantasy visions of relationships may suffer from a mild or extreme case of sex and love addiction. The inability to have a deep, long-term relationship is often created from the role models we have as children. This easily explains why kids from divorced homes are more likely to divorce. The pattern has been established and we learn from our environment. When men see their fathers or role models embrace sex for sex’s sake, what are they learning?

As a young man enters puberty and begins to notice those newly developed breasts on his classmates, the process of maturity, courtship and dating begin. We experiment with the rituals of “going steady” “breaking up” and “falling in love.” It is during these times that we are imprinted with what works for us and what does not. Learning to differentiate between caring for someone and lust, between being genuine with someone or manipulating to get what we want is a game without a rule book. Learning how to accept someone “loving us” is a class that starts in adolescence and for some of us, becomes a never-ending lesson.

Similarly, when a young man has a father who is nurturing, compassionate and faithful to his wife, the imprint of fidelity has a chance. This does not guarantee or prevent infidelity, of course. However, the odds are stacked against youth from homes that have any variety of dysfunction.

On that note, we are hard-pressed to find ANY family without some degree of dysfunction. The “Cleaver” household is as fictional as your neighbors who appear to be the “perfect” family.

No such thing exists.

Surviving an affair is a journey anyone would be a fool to take alone. If you were the one having the affair or the victim of one, going at reconciliation or renewal alone will be a painful and long journey. I STRONGLY recommend the eBook “Break Free From the Affair” by Dr. Huizenga the Infidelity coach.

For men like Tiger Woods, who was probably busy golfing 4 hours per day, these opportunities may have been missed. Or perhaps his obsessive desire to win created a method of winning with the ladies. “Winning” meant conquest-not a deep, heartfelt relationship. I am not picking on Tiger, because at this date, we still have no confirmation of any infidelity.

  1. 2. Over-Achiever Influence. The second manifestations of affairs come from our DNA of being warriors. Forget the imprinting and nurturing households. Men who compete in sports, politics, and business are merely acting out modern day survival and conqueror behaviors. Men who are taught or encouraged to achieve at all costs are usually successful. Powerful men wield their power and the more then earn, the more dangerous they become to themselves and others. The adage, “Power corrupts and absolute power corrupts absolutely” has never been truer when the affairs are revealed amongst politicians, athletes, and titans of industry. Their alpha male characteristics spill over from business to relationships as naturally as a waterfall.

I believe high achievers often miss out on this important segment of their lives, since the ultimate achievement goal takes precedence. Their inner life and the richness experienced in relationships become dormant or non-existent.

Men are built for war. Women are built for sex. I apologize for putting it in such a callous manner, but since we don’t have breasts, it is an argument that has no defense. Certainly we can both become MORE than objects of conquest and reproduction, but we are designed for those functions and it is the evolution of civilization that allows us to become better.

Rachel Uchitel...victim, gold digger or just another hottie?

Rachel Uchitel...victim, gold digger or just another hottie?

It is as simple as this.

Some men are further along on the evolutionary cycle than others. Men who understand how to wield and channel their power for the good of the tribe win. Those who are still learning how to develop loving feelings in a long-term relationship are those that will create the best families (Tribes) and hopefully pass on their character to their offspring.

For those of us who are still learning, let’s keep our lessons fresh in our minds and learn from our mistakes and the mistakes of others.

We don’t know yet, if Tiger was having an affair or not. Frankly, I don’t care.

But if the fall of a hero compels even one person to re-evaluate his destiny in life, then we move forward as a society. If you are involved or were involved in this common and confusing circumstance of an affair, you owe it to yourself to get a copy of the book, “Break Free From the Affair” today. You’ll save hours of sleepless nights and feel better about yourself, regardless of who did what.survive affair


Wedding Anniversary

Doug

Well, today marks my 21st wedding anniversary. INCREDIBLE!
Like many of you, not all 21 have been a bed of roses. With 3 kids, a business that collapsed, a separation, my midlife crisis, affairs and child medical issues, our family therapist stated that the odds were definitely against us. Our “Train wreck” was virtually unsurvivable.

With patience and an open mind, we pieced together remnants of our past, our values, and our needs and pressed forward. Where most people give up out of an excessive amount of pain, we pushed forward. Our book and blog explain it all.

We didn’t always know what the outcome would be. Our hearts very often sought the escape valve of divorce. The separation often gave both of us required space to collect our thoughts and garner some introspection without the pressures of being a “couple.”

There is no “end” of course. We continue to talk, laugh, love and lust for one another. The past issues are constantly in our psyche. We can never eliminate our mistakes-only learn from them.

Increasing sexual desire and pleasure after sleeping with the same person for 22 years (yeah…premarital sex) isn’t easy. My personality craves excitement, adventure and “newness.”

My wife and I nearly divorced not because of my cheating, but because we didn’t know how to communicate the REASONS I strayed from my vows of marriage. Now that we can talk about ANYTHING without judgment or emotion, we have created a new and stronger bond than ever before.

There is no “end” to this story. There is only a new day, every day that we can crawl into bed, whisper something really naughty, break out the new toy or new chapter in the Kama Sutra, and bang each others brains out.

When all else fails in a marriage, try vigorous, passionate, off the chart sex. Couples who have a sexually charged, intimate relationship rarely divorce.

For more ideas on how to create a smokin’ hot MILF for your wife, check out my ebook at www.makeyourwifehot.com. The title is chauvinistic, but the content was written by my wife and me. We both know the benefits of her sex appeal. She feels better about herself and I love…absolutely LOVE having my mistress, my girlfriend and my wife all be one and the same.