How Can I Save My Marriage?

Doug

Saving a marriage begins with your attitude. After you DECIDE to work on it, you have to keep your attitude in the right space. After your decision has been made, give yourself time to learn how to be a couple again. You may have a few uncomfortable moments, but the journey can also be enjoyable. Below are a few thoughts and ideas:

  1. If you don’t want to take on something that interests your spouse, and jump in with both feet, you can still ‘share’ your thoughts and let them know you noticed what is important to them.
  2. For example, clip an article out of the paper on your husband’s favorite football team, or record a TV appearance by your wife’s favorite actor.  Better yet, read a newspaper article about something that interests your spouse and talk to them about it over dinner.  Ask them questions about what you read and what they know about the topic and watch their face light up.
  3. Listen to your spouse talk about their favorite subject or hobby and, instead of shutting them down, try to hear ‘clues’ in what they say about what makes them interested in the subject.
  4. Talk to them about what YOU find interesting in the subject.  For example, if your husband belongs to a book club and he always talks about the books he is reading, ask him about his favorite authors or what kinds of books he likes best – mystery, suspense, sci-fi.
  5. If you can’t share the interest, at least show your spouse that you respect and honor it.  Register your gourmet cook spouse in a local session with a famous chef or find a website or a recipe you think will interest them.
  6. A particularly effective and favorite way to develop a common interest is to look at what interests the both of you now.  Then try to find a common area or a ‘type’ of activity you both like.
  7. An example might be if both of you like sports, but you don’t have a sport in common.
  8. Perhaps you bowl and you work out at the gym, and your wife runs.  So, you are both in good physical condition and you both like to be active.  Maybe you’d like to take a sailing course together.
  9. Eventually, you might even buy a boat if you both like the activity.   But, for right now, start small.
  10. 10. If you both like music and there is one kind that you both like, buy tickets to a concert and go see the artist. Don’t wait, don’t talk about it. Just do  it.
  11. 11. Or, plan a day in the city to go to a museum that has exhibits you may both like.  Your spouse will gladly walk through the exhibit he does not like, to get to the one he DOES like and you’ll get to time to talk to each other as you wander around.

If his/her interests don’t align with yours, try doing something NEW together that neither of you has tried or experienced before. If you are bored, that means YOU are boring! Take the next boring or peaceful moment and get out of the house. Go somewhere or try a new activity that you wouldn’t ordinarily even think about.

Along the way, you will rediscover the things you love about each other and the things you already have in common.  And together you might just develop some new interests!  Remember, action creates results (negative or positive) and inaction breeds nothing except the reminder of your discontent. If you want to change your situation, change your actions!

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