Saving a marriage begins with your attitude. After you DECIDE to work on it, you have to keep your attitude in the right space. After your decision has been made, give yourself time to learn how to be a couple again. You may have a few uncomfortable moments, but the journey can also be enjoyable. Below are a few thoughts and ideas:

1. If you don’t want to take on something that interests your spouse, and jump in with both feet, you can still ‘share’ your thoughts and let them know you noticed what is important to them.
2. For example, clip an article out of the paper on your husband’s favorite football team, or record a TV appearance by your wife’s favorite actor.  Better yet, read a newspaper article about something that interests your spouse and talk to them about it over dinner.  Ask them questions about what you read and what they know about the topic and watch their face light up.
3. Listen to your spouse talk about their favorite subject or hobby and, instead of shutting them down, try to hear ‘clues’ in what they say about what makes them interested in the subject.
4. Talk to them about what YOU find interesting in the subject.  For example, if your husband belongs to a book club and he always talks about the books he is reading, ask him about his favorite authors or what kinds of books he likes best – mystery, suspense, sci-fi.
5. If you can’t share the interest, at least show your spouse that you respect and honor it.  Register your gourmet cook spouse in a local session with a famous chef or find a website or a recipe you think will interest them.
6. A particularly effective and favorite way to develop a common interest is to look at what interests the both of you now.  Then try to find a common area or a ‘type’ of activity you both like.
7. An example might be if both of you like sports, but you don’t have a sport in common.
8. Perhaps you bowl and you work out at the gym, and your wife runs.  So, you are both in good physical condition and you both like to be active.  Maybe you’d like to take a sailing course together.
9. Eventually, you might even buy a boat if you both like the activity.   But, for right now, start small.
10. 10. If you both like music and there is one kind that you both like, buy tickets to a concert and go see the artist. Don’t wait, don’t talk about it. Just do  it.
11. 11. Or, plan a day in the city to go to a museum that has exhibits you may both like.  Your spouse will gladly walk through the exhibit he does not like, to get to the one he DOES like and you’ll get to time to talk to each other as you wander around.

If his/her interests don’t align with yours, try doing something NEW together that neither of you has tried or experienced before. If you are bored, that means YOU are boring! Take the next boring or peaceful moment and get out of the house. Go somewhere or try a new activity that you wouldn’t ordinarily even think about.

Along the way, you will rediscover the things you love about each other and the things you already have in common.  And together you might just develop some new interests!  Remember, action creates results (negative or positive) and inaction breeds nothing except the reminder of your discontent. If you want to change your situation, change your actions!

My wife was a dull, slightly depressed mom to our children for years. As I entered midlife, I craved MORE action, adventure and excitement. I wanted a hot wife I could party with! At first she thought it was ridiculous, but eventually she not only embraced a full lifestyle, but has lead us to crazy nights, passionate sex and naughty activities that have created great memories for us to share over and over again. For some ideas on THAT click on http://www.makeyourwifehot.com.

There are as many reasons for divorce, as there are married couples!  However, you might be surprised to learn that one of the most common reasons for divorce is nothing as dramatic as spousal abuse, or drinking or drug addiction.

Many couples just grow apart.  This issue is very common in couples that marry young, and it is easy to understand.  At age eighteen or twenty, a blushing bride or proud groom has barely come adulthood, and is certainly not mature.

Interests and direction are still evolving.  And, when that evolution begins to slow and the couple find themselves in their thirties or forties, they may suddenly discover that they have grown apart.

Though many young couples think that romance will keep them together forever, a solid relationship – one that will last for thirty, forty or fifty years of married life – is based on friendship, common interests and the ability to adapt and grow WITH the inevitable changes that will happen.

If you find yourself in your forties with nothing in common with your spouse, you may feel like strangers.  You may start to become annoyed at the littlest of habits. Perhaps you’ve run out of things to talk about – other than your children – or you find yourself alone on a Saturday afternoon, trying to remember what to say. You may be bored.

This is not to suggest that you must buy a rifle and get to a practice range if your husband is an avid hunter.  Nor should a husband take up gourmet cooking if that is his wife’s hobby.  Though, some really dedicated husbands and wives HAVE taken on the challenge of jumping in with both feet! It is certainly worth a try and there is no damage by giving it a shot.

If you want to give that a try, more power to you!  Just be sure that it doesn’t backfire.  If you decide to acquire a new interest or skill just to please your spouse, be sure you are really committed to this idea or you will end up resenting your spouse for the time and effort you invest. If you take up a similar interest and you find yourself not enjoying, take the non-judgmental approach and admit that is just isn’t for you.

And try not to waste the investment by simply abandoning the activity.  Your spouse will be very happy to know you have taken an interest but, if you drop out without a reason, it will look as though you really didn’t care all that much! I really enjoyed the book from Amy Waterman, “Save My Marriage Today.” In this book she can teach any marriage how to interact in a constructive manner and actually save the “un-saveable” relationship.

In her book you will learn:

• How to get your spouse to change their attitude. (I’ve seen the methods employed in this chapter alone help turn around dozens of marriages)
• Discover the REAL REASON why marriages fail; and what to do about it…
• A simple but powerful psychological trick that will help you to put your mind in a place of happiness and relaxation. Coming from this position will make it a LOT easier to save your marriage.
• The single most important thing that you MUST do in order for love to return to your relationship. You’re probably overlooking it – most people do – but it is easy to remedy and will make all the difference in the world towards bringing the love back into your marriage.
• Discover the truth about trial separations. How to make them work if it is forced upon you and mistakes that most people make that cause them to NOT work.

Visualize a New Future: It’s a year from today (or a lot sooner), and your marriage is so solid and strong that all your friends are remarking how happy you and your partner seem to be. You’ve recovered from the stress you went through last year due to your marriage issues, and you are in a much happier place than you are now. Even better, you know that it would take wild horses to tear you and your spouse apart now.

Today that may sound impossible, but the saying, “It’s cheaper to keep her” wasn’t just talking about finances. The emotional turmoil you avoid is priceless. Click on this link and check out Amy’s book today.

I recently asked a friend of mine what men want in a relationship and she point blank told me, “That’s the easiest question ever,” she said. “Men just want sex!”

While her response was obvious, my response to her was not.

In studying and writing about relationships, sexuality and marriage for years, my husband and I have distilled the whole ‘love and relationship’ game to some basic communication fundamentals. Our blog sheds some light on communication basics and advanced strategies to create a passionate romance regardless of how long you’ve been together.

Would you be surprised if I told you sex isn’t even in the top 5 things men really want from their partner? Sure, they are visual and seem quite myopic in their hunger for sex. But, sex and the pleasure it provides isn’t the final emotional feeling that men want from their girlfriends and wives, in the end, it’s five other often overlooked and under-appreciated things that men crave, desire, want, and need to make their relationship the envy of their peers. Each of these five things can *lead* to great sex, but none require it. Curious? Read on…

Women, when your man feels at his best, he will seek out every opportunity to spend more time with you and to satisfy your needs. So, it’s in your best interest to give him what he wants (and it’s easier than you would ever believe), so you’ll get more of what you want. See how it works?

1.  Men Want To Be Adored

In every man, there is a little boy (Remember what a baby he is when he is sick?). A man’s ego is fragile. Before the industrial revolution, the man with the most amount of wealth (we’ll leave out the “big harem” example) was the strongest warrior and/or the most successful hunter. Ever since he’s traded in his spear for a pda, men have defined their masculinity through sports and/or financial success. The more you give him SPECIFIC accolades about his success, the clearer your message of love and respect will be towards him. Tell him why you love him so much, often and clearly. Let him know that he is important to you. Just as you may be his Princess, your man wants to know he’s your Prince.

2.  Men Want To Be Consulted

There is no need to pretend you’re stupid, but when you find something your man is knowledgeable or passionate about, let him take the stage. When you show a sincere interest in his knowledge base, the more you subtly stroke his ego. Again, don’t be sarcastic or placating. The more you take a sincere interest in his work and hobbies, the stronger your connection will become. Ask his opinion and let him feel he’s an active part of your decisions and choices.

3.  Men Want To Be Trusted

Many of us have been hurt or lied to, but if your man isn’t the one who hurt you, trust him. After we are hurt, we tend to keep our guard up. “Guilty until proven innocent” is a popular attitude after one is hurt. Trust must be earned after a person has lied, of course. But “innocent until proven guilty” can go a long way to building more of a connection that can lead to a two-way street of trust. Go out of your way to give him no reason to doubt you and your own trustworthiness. Let him know you feel safe and secure with him.

4.  Men Want To Feel Sexy

Of course it is time to stroke his…uhmm….ego, but men like to feel sexy, handsome or fit just as much as women do. You will get SO much mileage out of a few “Do you know how sexy you are to me?” or “You look hot in that!” comments. Keep the compliments sincere and specific. Don’t praise his beer gut and say, “More to love!” Like you, he knows what areas he has to work on. However, the more you point out his strong points, the more he will work on correcting his weaknesses as well. Additionally, he will start appreciating and complimenting you more too!

5.  Men Want You To Be Their Friend

Many men don’t have the traditional social outlets that women do to discuss their emotions, dreams, and fears. By being his friend first, without judging, you allow him to open up. Interestingly, men RARELY open up to other men. They are taught at an early age NOT to shed a tear which results in them not sharing their feelings in general. Coincidentally, most affairs are born from this. A man may have a difficult time sharing his deep troubles with his wife, but can with his secretary. OOPS! Be sure you set up a “safe zone” of conversation which allows him to be vulnerable and open. Letting him know that this “safe zone” (Both verbally and geographically) in NO WAY diminishes your opinion of his manliness in all other areas.

The love of a woman can make or break a man. The woman who criticizes her man creates what she despises. The woman who encourages her man and gives him what he truly wants creates what she inspires. Give your man what he wants and your life, your relationship, and your love will get better with every passing day. You will experience more loving, more caressing and more attention from your man than you ever imagined possible!

For more strategies and ideas on creating a sexually-charged romance with you wife, read my husband’s book makeyourwifehot.com and get YOUR wife to be as hot as me!

-Chris Steponin