Don’t Grow Apart…Grow Together

Doug

There are as many reasons for divorce, as there are married couples!  However, you might be surprised to learn that one of the most common reasons for divorce is nothing as dramatic as spousal abuse, or drinking or drug addiction.

Many couples just grow apart.  This issue is very common in couples that marry young, and it is easy to understand.  At age eighteen or twenty, a blushing bride or proud groom has barely come adulthood, and is certainly not mature.

Interests and direction are still evolving.  And, when that evolution begins to slow and the couple find themselves in their thirties or forties, they may suddenly discover that they have grown apart.

Though many young couples think that romance will keep them together forever, a solid relationship – one that will last for thirty, forty or fifty years of married life – is based on friendship, common interests and the ability to adapt and grow WITH the inevitable changes that will happen.

If you find yourself in your forties with nothing in common with your spouse, you may feel like strangers.  You may start to become annoyed at the littlest of habits. Perhaps you’ve run out of things to talk about – other than your children – or you find yourself alone on a Saturday afternoon, trying to remember what to say. You may be bored.

This is not to suggest that you must buy a rifle and get to a practice range if your husband is an avid hunter.  Nor should a husband take up gourmet cooking if that is his wife’s hobby.  Though, some really dedicated husbands and wives HAVE taken on the challenge of jumping in with both feet! It is certainly worth a try and there is no damage by giving it a shot.

If you want to give that a try, more power to you!  Just be sure that it doesn’t backfire.  If you decide to acquire a new interest or skill just to please your spouse, be sure you are really committed to this idea or you will end up resenting your spouse for the time and effort you invest. If you take up a similar interest and you find yourself not enjoying, take the non-judgmental approach and admit that is just isn’t for you.

And try not to waste the investment by simply abandoning the activity.  Your spouse will be very happy to know you have taken an interest but, if you drop out without a reason, it will look as though you really didn’t care all that much! I really enjoyed the book from Amy Waterman, “Save My Marriage Today.” In this book she can teach any marriage how to interact in a constructive manner and actually save the “un-saveable” relationship.

In her book you will learn:

  • How to get your spouse to change their attitude. (I’ve seen the methods employed in this chapter alone help turn around dozens of marriages)
  • Discover the REAL REASON why marriages fail; and what to do about it…
  • A simple but powerful psychological trick that will help you to put your mind in a place of happiness and relaxation. Coming from this position will make it a LOT easier to save your marriage.
  • The single most important thing that you MUST do in order for love to return to your relationship. You’re probably overlooking it – most people do – but it is easy to remedy and will make all the difference in the world towards bringing the love back into your marriage.
  • Discover the truth about trial separations. How to make them work if it is forced upon you and mistakes that most people make that cause them to NOT work.

Visualize a New Future: It’s a year from today (or a lot sooner), and your marriage is so solid and strong that all your friends are remarking how happy you and your partner seem to be. You’ve recovered from the stress you went through last year due to your marriage issues, and you are in a much happier place than you are now. Even better, you know that it would take wild horses to tear you and your spouse apart now.

Today that may sound impossible, but the saying, “It’s cheaper to keep her” wasn’t just talking about finances. The emotional turmoil you avoid is priceless. Click on this link and check out Amy’s book today.


I Love You But I’m Not In Love With You

Doug

HA! Who’s not heard that phrase before?

If you’ve been married for more than a few years the odds are pretty good that you’ve either said it, had your spouse say it to you or one of you has thought it without saying it!

What do you DO with information like this? What can you do? What SHOULD you do? It doesn’t matter if you are saying it or hearing it, you cannot go on like this. Time to take some action, champ!

If you are the one who’s saying it; here’s some advice.

Love has several incarnations and even phases in life. The first form of love is those butterflies in your stomach (or bulge in your pants) that make you crazy. You may lose focus on other things, you are giddy, and you basically can’t keep your hands off of each other. “Puppy love” and newlyweds are only separated by age and experience. The feeling of love is intoxicating.

This single characteristic of love, by its very nature, changes over time.

This is not to say that you cannot resurrect those butterflies after 20 years of marriage-you can. However, when it was an effortless act when you first dated, it takes some purposeful thought and habits to keep the love alive.

When someone says, “I love you but I’m not in love with you” your mission is to NOT take it personally. The worst thing you can do is to blame you, your spouse or the economy. The proper response is not to blame, but to take this opportunity to INCREASE your communication, intimacy and chemistry with one another.

Creating feelings of euphoria, excitement and lust are feelings that CAN be created with 1/2 cup of psychology,  2 teaspoons of empathy, a cup of creativity, and a dash of courage.

1. Psychology: Understanding love and “in love” and developing a plan to bring those two ideas together is step one. I will be spending over 1/2 of the time at our Sex Workshop pulling those concepts together in order to increase the quantity and intensity of a couples sexual time together.  I guarantee the day or two you invest in Las Vegas will be worth 100X the investment. Our last workshop was a TOTALLY HOT success. We’ll do another one early in 2010.

2. Empathy: While empathy is an emotion normally reserved for grieving people, I use it here as a specific tool to create or restore a connection between two people. The more you empathize with your spouse, the more you manifest some very important qualities. You open up YOUR heart to his/her desires, pains, frustrations and needs. When you open up to another person-Shazam! They do the same for you! It must be sincere and you must listen more than you talk. That is empathy. It can bring you closer together emotionally and can translate into more intimacy and sex.

3. Creativity: Let’s face it, just because you KNOW how to make her cum, doesn’t mean you need to use that SAME technique the rest of her life! All human beings crave new experiences and discovery. The journey can be just as exciting as the destination (Sometimes MORE exciting!) so get out the porno, velvet handcuffs and play. You may create a few embarrassing moments with your experimentation; so what! You’ve been married for a while, you’ve seen each other naked for years. What’s wrong with spilling the chocolate sauce on her navel, only to realize in the dim lights that it is salsa? Get out the chips and have a party!

4. Courage: Naturally, when a couple has hit a crossroad and realizes their sex live, love and relationship is sliding down, ignoring it won’t make it better. Having the courage to talk-really talk about it and the courage to TRY different things is the main quality you need.

It may hurt to experiment with the dominatrix kit you got for Valentines Day, but it never hurts to talk about your relationship as long as you are open, honest and don’t take any of your spouse’s thoughts personally. Remember, if you aren’t happy, chances are neither is your spouse. You both have some changes to make if you want to be in love again.

Get started NOW! Order my book on creating a hot wife, restoring the intimacy you once had and having the most incredible sex life imaginable!


5 Things Men Want More Than SEX

Doug

kissing_is_good_1I recently asked a friend of mine what men want in a relationship and she point blank told me, “That’s the easiest question ever,” she said. “Men just want sex!”

While her response was obvious, my response to her was not.

In studying and writing about relationships, sexuality and marriage for years, my husband and I have distilled the whole ‘love and relationship’ game to some basic communication fundamentals. Our blog sheds some light on communication basics and advanced strategies to create a passionate romance regardless of how long you’ve been together.

Would you be surprised if I told you sex isn’t even in the top 5 things men really want from their partner? Sure, they are visual and seem quite myopic in their hunger for sex. But, sex and the pleasure it provides isn’t the final emotional feeling that men want from their girlfriends and wives, in the end, it’s five other often overlooked and under-appreciated things that men crave, desire, want, and need to make their relationship the envy of their peers. Each of these five things can *lead* to great sex, but none require it. Curious? Read on…

Women, when your man feels at his best, he will seek out every opportunity to spend more time with you and to satisfy your needs. So, it’s in your best interest to give him what he wants (and it’s easier than you would ever believe), so you’ll get more of what you want. See how it works?

1.  Men Want To Be Adored

In every man, there is a little boy (Remember what a baby he is when he is sick?). A man’s ego is fragile. Before the industrial revolution, the man with the most amount of wealth (we’ll leave out the “big harem” example) was the strongest warrior and/or the most successful hunter. Ever since he’s traded in his spear for a pda, men have defined their masculinity through sports and/or financial success. The more you give him SPECIFIC accolades about his success, the clearer your message of love and respect will be towards him. Tell him why you love him so much, often and clearly. Let him know that he is important to you. Just as you may be his Princess, your man wants to know he’s your Prince.

2.  Men Want To Be Consulted

There is no need to pretend you’re stupid, but when you find something your man is knowledgeable or passionate about, let him take the stage. When you show a sincere interest in his knowledge base, the more you subtly stroke his ego. Again, don’t be sarcastic or placating. The more you take a sincere interest in his work and hobbies, the stronger your connection will become. Ask his opinion and let him feel he’s an active part of your decisions and choices.

3.  Men Want To Be Trusted

Many of us have been hurt or lied to, but if your man isn’t the one who hurt you, trust him. After we are hurt, we tend to keep our guard up. “Guilty until proven innocent” is a popular attitude after one is hurt. Trust must be earned after a person has lied, of course. But “innocent until proven guilty” can go a long way to building more of a connection that can lead to a two-way street of trust. Go out of your way to give him no reason to doubt you and your own trustworthiness. Let him know you feel safe and secure with him.

4.  Men Want To Feel Sexy

Of course it is time to stroke his…uhmm….ego, but men like to feel sexy, handsome or fit just as much as women do. You will get SO much mileage out of a few “Do you know how sexy you are to me?” or “You look hot in that!” comments. Keep the compliments sincere and specific. Don’t praise his beer gut and say, “More to love!” Like you, he knows what areas he has to work on. However, the more you point out his strong points, the more he will work on correcting his weaknesses as well. Additionally, he will start appreciating and complimenting you more too!

5.  Men Want You To Be Their Friend

Many men don’t have the traditional social outlets that women do to discuss their emotions, dreams, and fears. By being his friend first, without judging, you allow him to open up. Interestingly, men RARELY open up to other men. They are taught at an early age NOT to shed a tear which results in them not sharing their feelings in general. Coincidentally, most affairs are born from this. A man may have a difficult time sharing his deep troubles with his wife, but can with his secretary. OOPS! Be sure you set up a “safe zone” of conversation which allows him to be vulnerable and open. Letting him know that this “safe zone” (Both verbally and geographically) in NO WAY diminishes your opinion of his manliness in all other areas.

The love of a woman can make or break a man. The woman who criticizes her man creates what she despises. The woman who encourages her man and gives him what he truly wants creates what she inspires. Give your man what he wants and your life, your relationship, and your love will get better with every passing day. You will experience more loving, more caressing and more attention from your man than you ever imagined possible!

For more strategies and ideas on creating a sexually-charged romance with you wife, read my husband’s book makeyourwifehot.com and get YOUR wife to be as hot as me!

-Chris Steponin


Choose Your Pain: Stay Married or Get Divorced

Doug

I was not in love with her anymore…I sat in the car, with the rain streaming down my windshield feeling utterly hopeless. My life, family, passion, legacy, friends…it was all at a crossroads. It looked as though either road was going to be filled with pain and suffering…great.

That event happened over 3 years ago and sometimes, when we still disagree, I have a flash of “Did I make the right choice to stick this out?” Divorce would have been easier, I tell myself. Sure, the pain would be throbbing in our heads. But, all pain is temporary, Doug. Eventually, you two could move ON with your life and start fresh. Millions of people do it. Why not join the ranks, find your true self and get on with it…

Ahhh…the children…Yes, we have 3 incredible children. How can you “abandon” them? I can’t. I won’t. I didn’t.

Families going through these issues need to do just that…go THROUGH them. After countless counseling sessions, my wife and I both realized several things that we must reinforce in our lives every day.

1. No one person can meet all of our needs. Expecting your spouse to be EVERYTHING to you isn’t normal.

2. It is OK to share thoughts, feelings, and ideas without expecting a response or personifying it. If I feel a certain way, it does NOT mean that you caused it or are to blame. Those are my feelings and issues; I must take charge of them.

3. The pain and suffering of sticking it out in a “hopeless” marriage isn’t easy. I do believe it is easier to get divorced. But, I also don’t believe any situation is hopeless. Like Captain Kirk so proudly states, “I don’t believe in the no-win scenario.” There is a solution to your marital pain that can create a renewal of self AND us. Being strong individuals FIRST is so important if there is to ever be a marriage again.

4. Take stock in who you are, what you want, and clearly lay it out to yourself first, then to your spouse. Find points and areas where you agree and compliment each other. On the areas where you do not agree, simply acknowledge that BOTH of you have those and it is NORMAL to have them.

There is a whole lot more to discuss on this topic and your comments are welcome. Staying together for the children is a great place to start, but it shouldn’t end there. Rekindling a marriage can be fun if you take the attitude you had when you dated. We used a system called “Light Your Fire” and it worked VERY well. I borrowed many of these concepts in integrated them into my book, “Make Your Wife Hot” which may be a chauvinistic title, but has great emotional content that ladies can use as well.

Part 1 of a 3 part series….stay tuned


Top 10 Things Women Love to Hear

Doug

"What did you say?"

One of my favorite online magazines is AskMen. Just as we all enjoy Glamour for the pictures, AskMen always has great content, tips and advice for single and married guys. Remember when using these tools that SINCERITY is more important than volume! Only sincere compliments work, so be factual and be romantic! Below are 10 things that you can always use to make YOUR life better and your relationship smoother…

Number 10 “How was your day?” When you ask her how her day went, her interpretation is that you are thoughtful and eager to know about her 9-to-5 routine. Be warned though: This question gives her license to talk at length about all the little dramas that occurred throughout her day. So be ready to set aside some time to listen to her stories.

Why it makes you look good: To her, it’s the thought that counts. Asking about her day shows that you’re receptive, interested and open to listening to her. You’re giving her an outlet to vent and acting as her confidante. Sure, you might have to listen longer than you want to, but once she’s done talking shop, she’ll be talking about you.

Number 9 “How do you feel about [anything]?” Asking this question tells your lady that you’re genuinely concerned about her feelings. And, as both Oprah and Dr. Phil have proven beyond a shadow of a doubt, women love to express their feelings on every topic imaginable. Know, however, that you’re setting yourself up for a lengthy and deep conversation about whatever the topic may be. So don’t ask this if you’re planning to watch a game that night.

Why it makes you look good: It’s all about showing the compassionate side. Once she understands that you’re devoting attention to her it will make all her feelings about you that much more intense. So, if you were just kind of attractive before, you’ll become a stud in her eyes. If you were a friend before, now she’ll want more. Get the picture?

Number 8 “You’re really smart.” By acknowledging her intelligence, you’re communicating that you recognize her brains, as well as her figure. This makes a woman feel appreciated for all her assets, not just the parts that fit in a thong or a bra. It’s a mark of respect from her man.

Why it makes you look good: First off, she’ll appreciate that you are capable of thinking above the waistline. Women love a cordial man, and there’s no better way for you to show off your gentlemanly qualities than to praise and distinguish her smart.

Number 7 “I can’t believe how sexy you look!” Straight up, this tells her that you find her attractive, and to a lesser extent, that you want some. But, if you’re in a relationship, she’ll hear more than that — namely, that you’re still lustfully appreciating her fine ass. No woman could fail to be flattered by that compliment.

Why it makes you look good: This line is particularly effective in long-term relationships, as you’re assuring your woman that she’s still hot. In return, this makes her want to share her hotness with you. Any questions? Didn’t think so.

Number 6 “You’re prettier than your girlfriends.” Putting her on a pedestal among her peers gives her an ego boost that she can secretly lord over her gal pals. It’s high praise in the world of women, and will score you some big flattery points.

Why it makes you look good: Aside from making her feel aesthetically superior to other women, this little remark will make her cognizant of how much you value her. She’ll also feel less threatened by her friends when they are around you. She’ll feel good about herself and consequently will want to reward your good taste. There is a potential flip side, however: the jealous partner may take this only as evidence that you’re checking out her friends.

Number 5 “You’re great in bed.” Simply put, this line makes her feel like a goddess. Hearing it suggests that her sexuality has been elevated in your eyes and makes her feel like she really knows how to satisfy her man. It could also help to knock away any inhibitions she might have in the bedroom.

Why it makes you look good: Praising her performance indicates that for you, sex isn’t just about getting your rocks off. You appreciate every aspect of the experience itself, particularly the extra efforts she puts towards it. (Blogger’s Note: For more tips on what women REALLY want, check out this site. Keep in mind the content was written by my wife AND myself, but the context is male oriented)

Number 4 “I want to spend my life with you.” This is a heavy line; it’s not many degrees away from proposing to her. So be prepared for the consequences if you utter it. But also keep in mind that risk often carries reward — once you tell her this she’ll be doing mental backflips of joy. Other phrases that work in a similar vein but are less committal are, “Only you can make me so happy,” and, “I wouldn’t want to be with anyone else.”

Why it makes you look good: All women love to hear a formal expression of enduring commitment from their man. Brother, to her, you’ll practically receive a permanent halo after this.

Number 3 “You’re my best friend.” You’re telling her how you feel above and beyond a sexual context. It means you’ve placed value upon your friendship and want to do things with her that other men may not have had an interest in. She’ll feel overpoweringly connected to you after you say this.

Why it makes you look good: These words change you from being just the guy she’s doing to the guy she is doing things with, too. It rockets you to the top of the suitor list because you’ve openly declared the F-word: friendship.

Number 2 “You’ll make a great mother.” Most women look forward to having babies one day. Most also agonize over whether they will do a good job of it. By saying this you affirm to her that she’ll be a success. Furthermore, you satisfy her internal need to be pacified on the subject. Coming from her man, these words will make her the happiest she can be.

Why it makes you look good: Indirectly, you just confirmed to your woman that you’re thinking about making babies with her. Obviously, this is great music to her ears. From this point onwards, she’ll be ever more receptive to your advances.

Number 1 “You make my life complete.” This tells her that she’s the only one for you. All women want to hear this line from their men. It says that you’ve accepted her completely and that she has become an essential, indispensable ingredient in your life. That’s an unbelievably gratifying thought to your woman — she’ll be smiling for days.

Why it makes you look good: This basically says that you need her in your life, and that you couldn’t live without her. Women fall head over heels for this kind of stuff. honorable mention “I love you.” The “three little words” that all the chick flicks place so much importance on can have a serious impact. If you’re in a long-term relationship, it’s good to say this every now and then.

For more ideas, strategies and tactics on creating a sexually-charged relationship for life, visit www.makeyourwifehot.com.


Hope for Your Marriage

Doug

It’s not often that I re-post another article…after all, this is MY blog and advice and commentary about my 21 years of marriage. You’ve read about how love and sex is a comedy, tragedy and love story all in one. However, after reading Alisa’s post (http://projecthappilyeverafter.com) I can tell you that she has the “right stuff” when it comes to communication and relationships. She is a gifted author and definitely worth the read.

YOUR relationship has the potential to become whatever you want it to be!

Your DECISION can be much more important than your history or circumstances. Take charge of what you really want and just decide to stay married, act married, and become the man of her dreams. After YOU take charge of that decision, chances are VERY high that she will become the MILF of your dreams and the relationship everyone envies. Here is Alisa’s most recent post, below:

Many people ask me how I found the motivation to work on my marriage when so much was going wrong. Most of the people who ask this are entrenched in the Planning The Funeral stage of marital discontent—what I sometimes refer to as mile 20 of the marriage marathon. Their sex life is either non-existent or unfulfilling. They don’t have conversations. When they go out to dinner together, there’s silence. When they do talk, they fight. And when they fight, the rarely if ever reach a resolution.

As a result, they console themselves by imagining what their lives would be like if their partners would conveniently drop dead.

Yeah, I’ve been there.

So how did I find the courage to work on my marriage when everything seemed so hopeless?

The courage came from a deep place. It was an act of faith. It will be an act of faith for you, too. In the beginning, you won’t know for sure whether or not your marriage project will work. So you must decide to work on your marriage for reasons that go beyond the finish line. You do it for your self, because:

1.    You need to know—without a doubt—that your marriage is or is not worth saving. The only way to know for sure? Try to save your marriage and see if you make any improvement. At the beginning of your marriage project, rate your marriage on a scale of 1 (I wish he would just drop dead) to 10 (I am so glad I married him!) Four months later, rate it again. If your rating went up? Your marriage has potential. If it stayed the same or went down? It’s probably not worth saving. Sure, you’d rather have the ease of posing the Is My Marriage Worth Saving? to a Magic 8 Ball, but I’m pretty sure my method—while more time-consuming—is much more reliable. It allows you to walk away from your marriage (if it comes to that) without a shred of guilt, because you tried everything and everything did not work.

2.    You need to work on you. Your bad marriage is not entirely your spouse’s fault. You are a part of the problem. A bad marriage is caused by the chemistry between two people. One person doesn’t ask for what she wants, which allows the other person to get away with whatever he wants. One person is controlling, which allows the other person to never stick her neck out and make a decision. Usually, the thing about your partner that you most hate is the thing that will make you feel most incomplete if you split up. Working on your marriage will force you to work on yourself, so you’ll become more assertive, learn how to communicate, evolve into a better listener, and more. So even if you do eventually split up, you’ll still be better off, because you’ll be a more complete person.

But you need more than that, right? You want a guarantee. You want to know that it will work. I just can’t give you that. What I can tell you is this: Not a day goes by that I don’t feel downright grateful that my husband is still in my life. Slightly more than two years ago? Not a day went by that I didn’t think about how much better off I would be if my husband were no longer in my life.

Today, when I’m irritated with my husband, I tell him. I’ve learned how to talk about such issues in a way that does not make him defensive, and he’s learned how to listen and respond. Whenever something bothers me about my marriage, I’ve learned to see if as a problem, one that my husband and I can solve together.

I’ve also learned to recognize grumpiness for what it is: grumpiness. I’m not as quick to go to the He Doesn’t Love Me Place when my husband is having a hunger emergency and accidentally bites my head off because I can’t seem to find the restaurant we’re looking for. No, I’m much more likely to think, “That big brat is having a hunger emergency. I better find the restaurant before he completely implodes.” And once he’s shoveled some food into himself, I say, “Are you still mad at me?” He says, “God no. I’m so sorry” and that’s that.

My husband makes my latte for me every morning, not because I can’t make one for myself, but because he knows I like it when he makes my latte. It makes me feel loved. And I make sure to Atta Boy him whenever he does something around the house for the same reason. Even when he does something small, like buy me a gift for no reason, I am sure to let him know I appreciate the gesture.

Our sex life? My husband recently told me that he’d like to do it every other day. As he said it, though, he acknowledged that he didn’t think it was really possible. And instead of feeling put upon, I thought, “I would really love to make that wish come true, because I really do love this guy.” And this week? I have. He’s floored. I’m not the wife he knows, but he certainly likes the new me.

Your marriage might get to this place some day, too. It won’t happen overnight. It won’t happen linearly, either. You’ll continually take two steps forward and one step back. But if you continue to grow and change together (your partner has to be willing to work at it, too), you can get to this place, too.

-Alisa Bowman
http://projecthappilyeverafter.com

For more advice and tips on marriage, love, sex, and getting YOUR wife to be understanding, fun, sexy and hot, visit http://makeyourwifehot.comand become a regular reader of my blog.


2 Secret Words for a Successful Marriage

Doug

“Just two words are all you have to know for a successful marriage,” my brother told me, “Yes dear.”

He was  SO wrong…

That was all the advice I received from my brother and dad over 21 years ago as I decided it was time to settle down, get married and start a family. Of course, there was a preamble I also heard, “I’m sorry” which can always be put in front of the sentence for added insurance.

My wife and I used to be proud that we never fought. I was always a charismatic, strong, and fun-to-be around entrepreneur. When it came to matters of the marriage, we got along and had no reason to argue. We told many people that we never fought, never argued and if there was a disagreement, hey…I remembered the advice I got. “Yes dear” pretty much eliminated conflict. What the hell, why should I get all bent out of shape. What IS worth arguing about? Little did I realize that proper arguing could lead to communication AND great make-up sex!

I never learned about professional arguing. I always thought that when a person raised his voice or made an “attack” that the opposing party would always get defensive or equally bad, simply not listen. Who wants to hear someone shout anyway? My hearing works well enough that volume doesn’t increase my retention-OK?

We didn’t fight or argue so when small matters of the marriage grew and festered, we didn’t confront them. We both thought the topics were too painful to bring up (I worked too much, she didn’t put out, etc.). We were too busy with the kids to realize that our inattention to our marriage would spiral down almost to the point of destruction.

For two non-fighting folks, we simply ignored our situation. What a mistake.

If we had confronted our issues BEFORE they grew we could have avoided years of marital discourse, an affair, and all the pain and suffering resulting from our mutual disconnect.

On the flip side, since we truly VALUED each other as individuals and made a COMMITMENT to our marriage, we decided to slug it out now. That means we had permission from each other to fight, argue and even bring up crap from the past. The results were that we are able to truly get stuff off our chest WITHOUT hurting the other person’s feelings.

We became professional arguers.

Keep in mind if you want 100% sincere, honest, open and purposeful communication then you have to be able to listen, listen, and listen some more WITHOUT interrupting, accusing, judging or being defensive. That is a tall order, but can work if you take the time to do it. (Yes, Buddy, you do…how else are you going to get more sex with your hot wife? If she’s not hot now, she WILL be after you both read my book)

Here are some VERY important tactics to pull this off:

1. Always start off your comment with “I feel”. If you say, “You make me mad the way you laugh at me.” That becomes an attack. Technically, YOU make yourself mad. Instead say, “I feel angry when you laugh like that. I know that is not your intention, but I do feel small when you do that.”

2. Start with letting her know that you are not perfect and you’ve done plenty to upset her. By letting her know that you are human and have defects like we all do levels the playing field. “I’m far from perfect and I know I’ve pissed you off before, so it’s probably no surprise, honey, that I felt the same way when you said that thing the other day.”

3. Don’t interrupt. The worst thing in the world is to interrupt a person. It clearly shows that you were not listening, digesting and analyzing what the person was telling you. Instead you were thinking about what YOU wanted to communicate. A person is incapable of listening if they are formulating a sentence. Let her talk first and let her get it all out. Period.

There are plenty more ideas for professional arguing. From my standpoint, the two words, “Yes dear” are the WORST advice to give to a man about to be wed. Being a milk-toast, Oprah-fied, emasculated nice guy is not what a woman wants, anyway. Most women want a strong, secure, confident man who can love her, respect her, and be a man. Be polite, of course, but don’t acquiesce all arguments. Learn how to listen, encourage and make your points without offense. Instead of “Yes dear” you may try silence followed up by a question. It also works better than “Screw you”.

For more advice on relationships, love, marriage and how to make your wife hot, visit www.makeyourwifehot.com.


Make Up Sex

Doug

Ever wonder why “make up sex” is so much more powerful than regular sex?
The last time you had an argument, then forgave each other and made love, wasn’t it a bit more powerful, more passionate, more intense?

Oh Yeah!

Clinically speaking, the endorphins released during anxiety cause a “fight or flight” syndrome in our bodies. These chemicals make us more aware, fast paced and yes…angry.  For many people, arguments turn “ugly” because we get caught up in the method and form of the fight instead of the content. Personal attacks, raising our voice and dredging up past transgressions add fuel to the fire.

When things die down and two mature people apologize, analyze and forgive, those endorphins are still bouncing around in our bodies. When we copulate and use physicality to restore our love, we put extra effort (energy, love, passion, and lust) into our act in order to flush out the bad feelings.

Make up sex is nearly ALWAYS better than normal sex because we are not just “feeling good” but we are feeling good AND trying not to feel bad! This double whammy works WONDERS!

So, do I occassionally start an argument in order to have great make up sex?

No.

But when an argument starts with my hot wife (literally and figuratively HOT) I used to avoid them. Now, I let them play out and run their course. Our communication increases, we get stuff off our chest and of course…the make up sex is always passionate and powerful!

For more details on creating “off the chart” sex in your relationship, visit www.makeyourwifehot.com.